Every Fire Emblem: Three Houses Student Ranked

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As I mentioned in my Game of the Year post a few weeks ago, I’ve played through Fire Emblem: Three Houses a total of 4 times, covering all 4 possible routes for the game. Naturally, throughout all of this time, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to spend an extended period of time getting to know all of the students that are enrolled in the Officer’s Academy.

In a game with such a huge variety of bright and colourful personalities, it was inevitable that I was going to end up liking some a lot more than others, so I thought it’d be a fun idea to rank each of the students from my least to most favourite while taking the opportunity to discuss their characters and development arcs over the course of the game.

Just to be clear, I am only including the students enrolled in one of the three major houses at the start of the game. I’m not including the members of the church because this list is going to be long enough as it is.

SPOILER WARNING

As I’m discussing the characters, I will be referring to major events in all four story routes to give context, as well as each character’s personal developments in things like support scenes and endings so there will be full story spoilers for both the base game and some DLC elements throughout this list. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

24 – Leonie Pinelli

The simple fact of the matter is, Leonie and I just don’t get on.

For one thing, she’s rather obnoxious about the fact that she’s Captain Jeralt’s greatest apprentice and seems to take every opportunity to rub everything in my face. On top of that, she seems to be trying to force a rivalry between her and I that I honestly don’t give even the slightest of shits about. She’s so single-minded when it comes to her training that whenever people do something fun, like have a fishing tournament just to take a break from the horrors of war, she goes off on one about how she’s the only one taking this seriously.

What really ticked me off about her though, was her support scenes with Byleth. Her having a go at me for “not appreciating” having Jeralt as my father would be bad enough at the best of times but I happened to get that scene RIGHT AFTER HE DIED which made her seem like less of an obnoxious brat and more of a total arsehole.

Even though she does eventually chill out and become a more tolerable person, the damage was done and my hatred of her was already set in stone.

23 – Lorenz Hellman Gloucester

Lorenz is a slightly odd one because although he does have many moments in his support scenes that make me smile or laugh, it’s mostly when he’s the butt of the joke, and I can’t say I can blame the people making them.

At the start of the game, he seems downright hostile to just about everyone. Even though it’s not his intention, the way he talks about the duties of the nobility and how they treat commoners is something that inherently rubs people the wrong way, myself included. Even when he’s being someone more pleasant, for example in his scenes with Ferdinand, he’s still not someone I’d ever want to spend much time with.

As he develops, his position does soften and he actually becomes a very admirable person in the end. That said, during the Verdant Wind story, he remains very resistant to many of the changes that someone like Claude looks to bring to Fodlan, even when everyone else is against him. He seemed to be treated a lot like someone who was there to bring a negative viewpoint to whatever plan Claude or Byleth came up with.

He never actively pissed me off like Leonie did, but he’s still someone I’d rather not hang out with.

22 – Hubert von Vestra

Given that pretty much the first encounter I had with him, he threatened to kill me, there was only so far our relationship could go.

I wasn’t entirely sure he could be all that interesting of a character when his one and only motivation seemed to be “Lady Eledgard”, but watching him interact with all of the other Black Eagle members, he actually ends up having a nice level of depth. What drags him down is the fact that the depth he has very rarely gets to show, as he generally only seems to stand around and backup whatever plan Byleth or Edelgard come up with.

While his motivations for doing so might be paper-thin, I like the way in which he tries to bring out the best in all of his allies. Although he’s someone I might not enjoy spending time with, it’s hard to deny that he’s an absolutely invaluable asset and master strategist for the Adrestian Empire, so he can’t be all that bad, can he?

21 – Caspar von Bergliez

I go back and forth on Caspar a lot.

His sense of justice is undeniable and the energy with which he denounces those who do wrong by him is almost inspiring. However, he has an annoying combination of both naivete and hotheadedness that ends up annoying me a lot of time when I really just want him to listen to what people are telling him.

I know some people will likely find it endearing, but his constant obsession with competition and fighting gets on my nerves more than anything else and it usually causes pain or annoyance for those around him (except Hilda, who can’t seem to get enough of his shit). That said, I can’t fault him in terms of his morality or outlook on life, even when he causes trouble, his heart is always in the right place and that can’t be understated.

20 – Annette Fantine Dominic

Annette seems to me like she’d be the type of friend that I’d like to hang out with in a big group, but I wouldn’t want to spend much one-on-one time with her.

The way she overworks herself is admittedly endearing, but given how little she listens to anyone else when they tell her she’s overworking herself, I imagine it’d get rather frustrating to constantly be watching over her. Speaking of, she’s unbelievably clumsy and, again, even though the way in which she deals with it is undeniably charming, it’d still be quite the hassle to deal with.

She’s not without her good qualities though, as her cheerful demeanour is sure to brighten anyone’s day and it’s admirable how staunchly loyal she is to her friends. It’s also occurred to me that she’s a hardworking student of the school of sorcery, which makes her Hermione Granger, which is a plus.

19 – Sylvain Jose Gautier

Sylvain is one of those people that’s quite hard to like when you first meet him, but he grows on you the more time you spend with him.

Much like Lorenz, he finds himself the butt of the joke more often than not as his constant womanizing rarely yields success. Outside of that particular past-time of his, I always get the sense that he holds extremely strong friendships and always looks to do right by them. Probably one of my favourite backstories is the childhood friendship between Felix, Ingrid, Sylvain & Dimitri and whenever Sylvain is interacting with any of those characters the “big brother” role he’s said to take shines through.

As nice as that is, it doesn’t entirely take away from some of his more negative traits as he can often be quite rash and stupid in his attempts to woo women, it’s hard to not let that grate after seeing it happen so many times. Sylvain is someone that I grew to like, but things didn’t start out too well for him.

18 – Raphael Kirsten

Raphael is absolutely one of the biggest sweethearts in the whole game. He’s always bright and cheerful, never letting anything that anyone says get to him, unfortunately, that’s somewhat of the problem that I have with him.

I absolutely love the positive vibes he gives off wherever he goes, always happy to help people out and never thinking twice about grudges or things that could get him down. The problem is, this means there’s not a great deal of depth to him as a character. If he’s not talking about eating or training, then he’s talking about his little sister and that’s more or less it, I know a lot of these characters don’t have tonnes of depth, simply by virtue of how many there are, but Raphael seems especially underdeveloped.

The reason he’s not lower down the list though, is because the few personality notes he does have are a joy to be around. Maybe listening to him talk about his sister all the time would get a bit irritating after a while, but if I was feeling down and wanted a pick-me-up, Raphael would most certainly be the person I’d go to.

17 – Ferdinand von Aegir

Ferdinand is perhaps the definition of a “middle of the road” character to me.

He’s nice…but that’s about it. His competition with Edelgard and his self-esteem surrounding it had the potential to be a very interesting thread, but it wasn’t pushed on nearly enough to become a real point of interest to his character. The way he treats his nobility is very different from most other noble students and I like the attitude he takes when people like Dorothea dislike him because of his status.

Like I said though, the problem is that those aspects aren’t developed in an interesting way to make him interesting as a character. I like Ferdinand, he’s got a positive attitude and is friendly to almost everyone, but that’s all there is to him.

16 – Ignatz Victor

He just wants to paint and I say let him.

Ignatz’s timid nature is something that’s inherently endearing to me and watching him interact with the other members of the academy, and those of Golden Deer in particular always brings a sweet smile to my face. He’s got a real conflict going on inside of himself about what to do with his future, not wanting to let his family down, but also knowing that the life of a knight isn’t really for him.

The way he does his best to avoid upsetting anyone makes it all the more heartwarming when just about everyone he meets responds with only kindness and positivity, especially considering he doesn’t entirely know how to process it. When he’s allowed to express his true passions, the energy that flows out of him is so joyous that I couldn’t be happier he became a painter in the end.

15 – Mercedes von Martritz

Much like Ferdinand, I think Mercedes is pretty middling in terms of how I feel about them, the difference between the two is that Mercedes got herself a little bit of extra story thanks to the game’s DLC.

I find Mercedes’ general demeanour and attitude to be quite charming most of the time. She always endeavours to be as nice as possible but also isn’t afraid to stick up for herself from time to time. Her friendship with Annette is an interesting case because while it’s nice to see characters actually have a tangible arc in their support scenes together, it does strike as a bit odd that they didn’t make up for five years after what was – let’s be honest – a very minor falling out.

The game’s DLC is where she really comes to her own though, as it adds her relationship with Emile/Jeritza/The Death Knight into the stories and added a layer of interest to her character. She always had this vague sense of motherliness to her, but seeing her get to either care for or fight against her little brother is where she finally breaks from her “will of the Goddess” motif and looks to make her own decisions. If you take any route other than Crimson Flower, then it doesn’t come up all that much but it’s still a huge aspect to her character that fundamentally challenges her beliefs, which is something a lot of the other characters don’t have to go through.

14 – Dorothea Arnault

Dorothea has always stuck out to me in Black Eagles house, being the only one not of Noble/Royal descent in the house makes her position quite strange and this shows when she’s interacting with the other students. Her deep-rooted hatred of the nobility sometimes lets her get in her own way, shutting out people like Ferdinand who just want to be her friend and she seems to almost always be on her guard around her other house members.

All the while, she has to deal with an inferiority complex that pushes her to be constantly putting on a performance to the world around her just so she can find someone who will accept her. It’s really quite a tragic story when you think about it and yet, aside from the occasional moment of weakness, Dorothea doesn’t let it drag on her, she is still able to largely be herself and make friends and seems to be having a nice time of it in the Academy.

She’s someone who pushes forward and succeeds in spite of herself to a certain degree and it gives her that nice layer of complexity that draws me in.

13 – Linhardt von Hevring

Linhardt’s an odd case because he has many traits that you’d expect would lead him down a road of uselessness, but somehow, someway he makes it work for himself.

When I first interacted with him, he seemed like an arrogant prick, to put it plainly, but having seen all of his support scenes, it’s clear that he has a strange sense of humility to him that only very rarely comes out in his interactions with others. He’s someone who always puts his research first and has a clear attitude of only doing things that he gets enjoyment from.

Even though these principals can lead him to be rather callous when it comes to interacting with other people, on the occasions where he puts it all aside, we’re left with someone who’s a very nice person who clearly enjoys being around certain people, even if he can’t quite express it. He’s also someone who always pushes his friends to be better, even if his method does involve heavily criticising their abilities.

All of this is encapsulated by how clearly he dispises battling. There’s only so deep you can go with that thread as he has to battle for story reasons, but I think it’s a neat twist to have on a character and it fits in perfectly with Linhardt’s academic nature.

12 – Ashe  Ubert

On the surface, Ashe is just your typical kind person, who’s just happy to help and fights for justice, but it wasn’t until much later that I realised he’s got much deeper layers than just that.

Ashe has the unique position of having experienced a life living in poverty and in a Noble household, being taken in by Lord Lonato at the age of 10. It’s given him a sense of humility that never breaks no matter what he’s faced with and he does his best to pass on all the kindness that was shown to him. In a game that treats thieves and bandits as faceless good-for-nothings that you just cut your way through, Ashe provides that desperately needed perspective of thinking about how they got to that position in the first place.

In a world where so many crimes are instantly punished with force, Ashe pushes the perspective of trying to help and reform these people so that they don’t do it again, often putting him at odds with his classmates. He’s got a sense of purity and innocence through the way he dreams of being a valiant knight that fights for justice, but he also isn’t clouded by naivete, he knows the horrible reality of war and how no knight is truly valiant, but he doesn’t care and he strives for it anyway because he believes he can do it.

Ashe goes so much deeper than just a kind person because he’s remained a kind person despite having suffered tragedy and trauma that would turn lesser men into spiteful shells of themselves, which is what makes him a true hero.

11 – Lysithea von Ordelia

For my money, Lysithea is undoubtedly the most tragic person at the academy.

From a personality perspective, she works as hard as she possibly can in order to prove herself. The way in which she gets annoyed at anyone who claims she has a “natural talent” just goes to show how deeply she values her work and desires to prove herself to everyone around her.

What really draws me to Lysithea though is the inherent tragedy within her and the potential it has to create some truly heartwarming moments. Her shortened lifespan is something that clearly weighs heavy on her and I always have a deep feeling of sorrow when I think about the kind of life she’s led up until coming to the Academy. Her endings always enhance this feeling, her endings where she lives out a happy, but short life are always touchingly bittersweet and the ones where she is cured and lives out a long and fruitful life bring a warmth to my heart.

In every interaction, it’s clear she still tries her best to get enjoyment out of the time she has, even if it does sometimes lead to her coming across as short-tempered or dismissive of people. Her serious nature only makes the moments when she lets the facade drop and indulges herself in sweets or fun in general, all the more adorable.

10 – Ingrid Brandl Galatea

I find Ingrid to be a very interesting character, she’s got one of the better backstories and it’s utilized to great potential throughout all of her support scenes.

She provides a different perspective on the nobility, making us realise that just because someone is of a noble family, it doesn’t mean they’re set for life from the moment of their birth. Coming from a poor noble family, it adds an extra layer of depth to the story of deliberating between marriage and her desire to become a knight.

Normally, in a story like that, it always seems to easy to turn around and say “you don’t need no man” and that’s it, but in the world of Three Houses, I can actually fully understand why this would be such a tough decision for her. Being a knight is what she wants to do with her life, not only for herself but to honour her late fiance, though at the same time, marrying into a richer family means that her father will have a much more secure life and her potential children would never have to go through what she’s had to. Her support scenes with Seteth in particular, see her explore both sides of this debate in detail and her attitude in the way she goes about it is so interesting to see.

Outside of that aspect to her character, she’s your typical no-nonsense, empowered female character, which is something that I normally don’t care much for, but it works when put in contrast to the other aspects of her character. I’m not entirely sure if I’d like to actually spend much time with her – which is why she’s not higher – but as a character with a story, she’s very well-written.

9 – Felix Hugo Fraldarius

To put it simply, Felix is a dick, so why’s he so high up the list?

Well, partly because I’m a sucker for the cold-hearted lone-wolf type, but also because he’s not horrible to anyone without reason. Like so many of the other students, he has suffered his fair share of tragedy, with his brother dying in the tragedy of Duscur and his father’s subsequent response to hearing this news. It sounds odd, but I honestly think I’d feel the same way if my brother was needlessly massacred and someone turned around and told me he died in “glorious service to his king”.

Felix isn’t afraid to make his feelings on anything known and has the resolve to stand up and argue for those beliefs as well. I’ll get more into Dimitri’s story later, but Felix is a huge part of it, not just because of their childhood friendship, but because Felix was the first person to see the darker, monstrous side to Dimitri and refuses to let Dimitri forget it.

That’s not all there is to Felix though, he as that small aspect of being absolutely adorable from time to time when he’s talking to someone like Bernadetta or Sylvain, letting that cold-hearted demeanour slip for just a moment and show how much he truly cares for his friends, even if he has a funny way of showing it.

8 – Marianne von Edmund

I just want to hug her and tell her it’ll be ok.

When I first met Marianne, I was sure she’d be the one I’d end up falling for over the course of the game and while that didn’t happen, I’m certainly very fond of her. While the tragedies of her past aren’t necessarily the worst out of everyone in the Officer’s Academy, she’s definitely been more deeply affected on an emotional level than anyone else.

Convinced her meer existence is a curse on everyone in her life, she’s someone who can be quite hard to really get to know. With many of the other more timid characters, they tend to find an immediate comfort with Byleth, but that isn’t the case with Marianne. Everything about how she’s presented screams that there’s something much greater behind her pessimistic demeanour, but getting to it requires some work.

That only serves to make it all the more gratifying when she is finally able to let go of her worries for a moment and properly connect with someone like Ferdinand or Dimitri. Although she doesn’t smile very often, when she does, the complete transformation in her personality to someone flowing with joy and contentedness is something that is sure to lighten anyone’s mood.

Although her journey as a character isn’t as clear cut as many of the other students, it’s obvious how huge of a deal the steps she takes are to her. After holding onto the burden of a curse for so long, it becomes so clear how deeply she changes when she finally lets it go and can just learn to enjoy the life she’s been given.

7 – Edelgard von Hresvelg

Those Who Slither In The Dark notwithstanding, in Three Houses there are no real “bad guys”, all of the leader characters are shades of grey from a moral perspective (except Claude, who’s pure as pure can be) but Edelgard is definitely the one that I find myself aligning with the least.

Looking at the land of Fodlan, it’s clear that her ultimate goal of abolishing the idea of the nobility & crests and putting everyone on a level footing, regardless of their surname, is a good one and an ideal that I fully support. What I don’t support, are her methods. Declaring a war, aligning herself with Those Who Slither In The Dark and causing five years of bloodshed just to achieve this goal was absolutely not the way to go about it.

However, that’s not to say I don’t understand why she felt it was the only way. Going through the experiments that she did as a child and watching all of her siblings being slaughtered in the process instilled this deep hatred within her, to the point that she’s clearly been blinded by that hatred and she wasn’t helped by surrounding herself with people who don’t dare disagree with her. She’s not just a conquering warlord though, it’s clear that so many of her beliefs and tendencies – such as always staying as formal as possible, or her sheer ambition – come from a place of deep insecurity, which is clear as day whenever she lets her facade drop and speaks honestly to people.

When I look at Edelgard it makes me feel sad, she seems to me like someone who could’ve been the kindest and most respected person in the world if things had gone just a little bit differently, but the circumstances of her upbringing drew her down a path that forced her into a position where some of the more negative qualities dictated her decision making.

I don’t hate Edelgard, I just wish things had gone differently.

6 – Dedue Molinaro

Dedue is a victim of circumstance, but you wouldn’t know it from talking to him.

After the people of Duscur – his people – were blamed for the death of the King of Faerghus, Dedue has had to live with blatant racism to his face every day. Even those in the Officer’s Academy who I think are fundamentally good people, like Ingrid, can’t help but let their hatred for Dedue and his people show at almost all times. What makes Dedue such a wonderful person, is that he doesn’t let any of it phase him for even a second.

Dedue has resigned himself to a life as an outcast until one man, Dimitri, put their faith in him and he’s made sure to dedicate his life to doing whatever’s best for them at all times. He understands what his lot in life is likely to end up being and he doesn’t mind, he lets people show him hatred and shows them nothing but kindness in return. He doesn’t care what kind of horrible names they’re calling him, they’re his allies and Dimitri’s allies, so he’s going to show them kindness and do what’s best for them no matter what.

That’s what I admire most about Dedue, in his situation, it would’ve been easy for him to become a person driven by hatred, getting worked up by Faerghus’ disdain for him and his people until he has no choice but to either lash out or shut himself away, but he didn’t let that happen. Instead, he dedicated his life to his friends and allies regardless of what they think of him and do his best to make everyone else’s lives better; and that makes him perhaps the most admirable person of all.

5 – Hilda Valentine Goneril

If I actually met someone like Hilda and had to work with them in real life, I’d almost certainly find them immensely annoying, but watching her go about her business in the Academy is so endearing to me that I can’t help but love interacting with her.

I’m always entertained by watching the clever and sneaky ways in which she is able to sneak her way out of doing work, especially when it’s at Ferdinand’s expense; like I said, if I actually had to work with her, it’d be horrible, but at the same time, I wish I had her ability for shirking responsibility. She can come across as spoiled at times, but when you break past her outward demeanour, it becomes clear that it’s something deeper than that. It may not be identified as such, but the way in which she admires her brother and everything he’s accomplished, it’s clear she has some form of Imposter Syndrome, where she feels she can never live up to her brother’s achievements, so doesn’t try for fear of disappointment.

What she exceeds at though, is getting people to rally behind her. Whether it’s raising an army’s morale or getting someone to make her some tea, she’s got unparalleled charisma that easily charms anyone she talks to, myself included. On top of that, when she really needs to she’ll happily put the effort in to help others, even if she spends the next week moaning about it.

4 – Petra Macneary

Alright, I’ll admit, Petra being this far up the list is the absolute peak of personal preference, but my list, my rules.

Petra holds that role of the strong female character, without conforming too much to the generic stereotype associated it. She’s a victim of circumstance, being moved to the Empire as a hostage in order to keep her homeland of Brigid in line. Much like Dedue, she could’ve let this ingrain a fierce hatred in her but doesn’t let it, however, instead of accepting her lot in life like Dedue, she uses it as motivation to work hard, become stronger and find a way to change the status quo, be that through diplomacy or war. It’s no mere coincidence that in literally all of her endings, she succeeds in improving the diplomatic ties between Fodlan & Brigid (and sometimes, even Dagda).

Petra is able to have pride for her homeland and wear those aspects of herself on her sleeve, without feeling the need to be constantly in your face about it. She doesn’t constantly try and hold it over her classmates with some aura of superiority and is instead very accepting of all in the hope that they will treat her the same.  From the clothes she wears to the marks on her skin and the way she talks it’s clear that she values her heritage and uses them to serve as people’s reminders of that fact, instead of constantly reminding them and shoving it down their throats, as she mostly only talks about Brigid when asked.

Aside from that, she’s an exceedingly kind person. She does her best to greet everyone as an ally and trusts them until they give her reason not to, even with a situation like Caspar where his family is directly responsible for her father’s death. Her determination to study and increase her strength extends to everyone around her, creating this extremely positive atmosphere that makes every conversation a more pleasant one.

3 – Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd

While the Blue Lion’s route isn’t my favourite in the game, I think it’s definitely the most well-written and a huge part of that is Dimitri as a character.

When it comes to first impressions, I didn’t think much of Dimitri, he seemed to be your typical “honourable king” that always dresses proper and says the right thing as his head goes further and further up his own arse. After playing through the Blue Lions route, I realised this is very much NOT the case. One of the biggest unexplored events in the backstory of Three Houses is the tragedy of Duscur as the consequences of it ripple throughout pretty much every aspect of the game and Dimitri is the personification of almost all of those consequences.

Looking back at how Dimitri acts throughout the bulk of the academy phase, it’s clear that he’s someone who tries desperately every day to suppress the rage and madness that lives within him because the weight of his losses would be too much to bear. Then the war phase begins and we get to see what all of that suppressed emotion looks like when it comes out. The way Dimitri goes from a kind and conservative prince to a truly broken man who’s only desire is to kill endlessly until he is killed is one of the saddest things to watch in the whole game.

The story didn’t end there though, as Rodrigue’s death eventually snaps him out of this state as he realises that pointlessly murdering and gunning for revenge isn’t going to do him any good. Not only that but it shows how much he’s grown since the tragedy of Duscur because instead of using the death of a loved one to lash out at others, he uses Rodrigue’s death as an opportunity to look inwards and realise that despite what he’s convinced himself, there might be some other way to redeem himself that isn’t dying in battle. A thread that is capped off perfectly when he finally has Edelgard – the one person he’s sworn to kill time and time again – kneeling before him and he lowers his weapon and outstretches his hand.

Dimitri is a tortured soul who could’ve easily turned into a heartless monster and become a true villain in the game, but instead, he was able to take just one moment to look inwards and started a really heartwarming redemption story that puts a true reflection on the “shades of grey” aspect to all of the main character’s morality, focusing in on the personal conflict between the characters, instead of the wider conflict between ideologies that the other routes do.

2 – Claude von Riegan

Claude is just pure and good and everything that’s right with the world.

I alluded to it in the previous entry, but here I can say that the Golden Deer route was absolutely my favourite and that’s largely thanks to Claude. Unlike the other two house leaders, whom I grew to like once getting to know them better, I instantly took a liking to Claude. Not only does his attitude stand in stark contrast to the formalities and nobility of the other two, but it was clear from the start he had an extremely keen mind; plus he uses a bow, which makes him cooler by default.

What really makes me love Claude so much is his drive to always do good by as many people as he can, but he doesn’t do it because “it’s a noble’s duty” or “for the good of the world” he does it because he believes that it is truly the right thing to do and he will stand by his convictions to the death. Despite having the tactical genius to wipe out armies with barely any effort, he instead focuses his tactics on extinguishing as few lives as possible. On top of that, I align with his idealistic goal of tearing down the borders and unifying the world more than I do any of the other leader’s goals.

His attitude is always upbeat and cheery, but he also doesn’t let anything get by him and while he may seem like he trusts easily, it becomes clear that it isn’t the case the more time you spend with him. He clocks onto the fact that The Church of Seiros is hiding something a lot quicker than anyone else and is even able to deduce Flayn & Seteth’s true identity, something that no-one else is able to figure out.

When he’s not fighting a war, Claude is an absolute joy to be around, doing everything in his power to keep spirits up, but when it’s time for business, his tactical ability and dedication to his cause is unmatched, making him – in my view at least – the most capable leader in the whole game and one truely deserving of achieving his ideals.

1 – Bernadetta von Varley

Look, sometimes you fall in love with the weirdo, that’s just how it goes.

Sure, Bernadetta doesn’t have some big sweeping story arc or any major role to play in Fodlan, but when it comes to “ticking all my boxes”, no-one comes as close as this timid, nerdy recluse. She’s not nerdy in the modern sense, but she spends so much of her time by herself writing stories and doing drawings for those stories along with many other activities of that nature; which are the kind of things that I imagine would constitute “nerdiness” in that kind of world.

While her extremely timid nature invokes the instinct to protect and nurture, it becomes clear pretty quickly that’s actually not the case and she’s absolutely capable of protecting herself both on and off the battlefield. That said, I still find it totally adorable when she goes off on one about the joys of solitude and how she’d love to just stay in her room all the time (or slightly less adorable, her love for carnivorous plants). Her creative spark is something inspires me and I find it difficult to contain myself when she grows the confidence to let that creativity shine in front of people like Seteth and Linhardt because it’s so clear how much she cares about her creations and is overjoyed that – despite her expectations – people love them. I think you’re starting to see why I relate to her so much now, aren’t you?

It’s not all cuteness and hugs though and she just wouldn’t be a Three Houses character without a whole heap of tragedy in her past. I’ve talked a bit before about how emotional some of the other character’s backstories made me, but the only one that ever actually got a tear rolling down my cheek was when Bernie opened up and talked about her abusive father, which it lends all the more heartbreak to the moments where she clearly wants to be different, but can’t make herself do it.

Bernadetta just has a bit of everything that I like, her sensitive personality, her overwhelming joy (on the occasions she allows it to flourish), her major creative streak and even the fact she has purple hair all drew me in instantly, to the point where I just couldn’t help but fall for her as a character, because she embodies the best of what Fire Emblem: Three Houses has to offer.

So there’s my list! Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, please let me know what your thoughts are, either in the comments below or on Twitter @10ryawoo! Once again, a massive thank you to Nat (@Natalichoco on Twitter, @nataliachoco.bear on Instagram) for the wonderful header art to this post.

Finally, make sure you come back next week, where it’s Royal Rumble time!

Best Talkers in WWE Today

As anyone who knows anything about pro-wrestling will likely tell you, knowing how to do wrestling moves is only half of what makes a great wrestler. The other half, of course, is your talking ability. It’s all well and good being able to wow crowds with the moves you can perform, but it’s your words that will put the crowd in the arena to begin with.

It’s hard to deny that almost every wrestler in WWE right now has a decent level of promo ability, you don’t get to work for the biggest wrestling promotion in the world without being good at what you do after all. However, there are a select few among the current crop of WWE wrestlers who are able to go above and beyond when it comes to the stories they weave outside of the ring. Be it hype and excitement or a deep level of intensity, there’s something about the way these wrestlers talk their way through situations that instil a much higher level of investment in their audience.

Quick note, I’m only counting wrestlers that currently active in WWE, so that means no managers and no part-timers.

9 – The Usos

The Usos are a very interesting case study in WWE because they’ve been in the WWE for almost ten years now and if you look through their career, it’s extremely obvious that they’ve grown a huge amount as performers. People first got behind them around 2014, but as pure babyfaces, their popularity didn’t last long and they quickly grew stale.

After floating around not doing much of note for about a year, they came back in full force with this brand new energy that got behind everything they did, most of all their promos. Their run as heels was a brilliant move for them because they got to take that over-hyped style of their promos and add an edge to them that made them seem intense instead of cheesy. Now their constant trading lines and random yelling instead added to the fact that these guys were always ready to throw down with anyone and could usually back up their words with actions.

Naturally, the crowd got behind them again after this and it wasn’t long before they were forced to return to their role as faces, but instead of going back to the cheesy, super happy style of promos, they kept their edge but added an extra dash of hype which meant that they were actually successful at getting the crowd behind them in whatever fight they were going for. The Usos would be classified as great talkers regardless of their history, but seeing them develop so much over the years really adds to the effect of what they’re able to do with their words now.

8 – Alexa Bliss

When Alexa Bliss first made her way to the main roster from NXT, I wasn’t sure if she was going to make much of splash. As much as I personally thought she was great, I could easily see her sliding down the path that someone like Mandy Rose has, where she’s always around, but very rarely the focus. Sitting here in 2019 it’s very obvious that those fears weren’t realistic in the least because she’s arguably second only to Charlotte Flair in terms of her longevity at the forefront of WWE’s women’s division and the biggest factor in that rise is inarguably her promo skills.

Bliss is able to inject this unrivalled level of bitchy attitude in absolutely everything she says that makes her so much fun to hate. Whether she’s being passive-aggressive or straight-up insulting she’s able to produce the exact right inflictions and attitudes in her voice that bring that level of pure hate out of you. To a certain extent, it doesn’t even matter what it is she’s actually saying because the way she said it is perfect for making you want to see someone kick the crap out of her.

Over the past 6 months or so, she’s been doing surprisingly well adjusting that attitude to a more face style of promo by virtue of her association with Nikki Cross. Although she’s not the best at getting the crowd behind her, what she is great at is using her attitude in defence of herself and Nikki to create some really good insults when she gets a chance to fire back at someone. I wouldn’t have expected her style of promo to adapt to a babyface as well as it has in all honesty, but that should speak to Alexa’s skill as a talker.

7 – Samoa Joe

Joe is one of those guys that’s seemingly able to flip a switch when he’s talking and instantly transition from calm and threatening to unbridled wrath and back again in such a seamless manner you barely notice what he’s done, all you know is that you’re terrified by whatever he just said.

His physique as always given him this intimidating presence and he can warp his face to be extremely threatening when he wants to, but it’s his words that make you feel like he’s slowly sliding a knife into your chest. There’s something about the way he’ll calmly explain exactly what it is he’s going to do to his opponents that makes him so terrifying to listen to because you honestly believe that he’s going to do whatever it is he says he will, one of my favourite promos of his was one he cut on Paul Heyman in the build to his match against Brock Lesnar, when he just cornered Heyman and spoke in that “nice, but actually threatening” way as he explained what he was about to do to Heyman.

Then there’s the other side of his promos where he’ll suddenly flip that switch and go ballistic. The eerie calmness serves to make the moments where he totally loses it and bellows his lines right in his opponent’s face all the more shocking and intense. Everything Samoa Joe says serves to make him feel like an absolute unstoppable monster, now if only we could get his booking to match…

6 – Elias

Elias undeniably has the most unique style on this list and it puts it to extremely effective use.

The singing thing seemed like it would get old fast when I first encountered it, but I didn’t count on Elias’ creativity when it came to making the gimmick last. He has the standard catchphrases that we all love, but every time he comes out to the ring to sing a song, there’s always going to be something new to it. He takes the classic heel trope of running down the town they’re doing the show in and turns it into an art form with the way he crafts the lyrics and picks some genuinely funny insults.

It never fails to get a reaction out of the crowd and it’s always a loud reaction too, I’ll never forget late 2018 when he and Kevin Owens got booed for literally 5 minutes solid after taking a dig at…well some American sports thing, as a Brit I didn’t really know what it meant, but the people in attendance that night certainly did. Even though this style is undoubtedly more suited towards a heel, he was still able to get some good mileage out of it as a face too, picking some particularly funny insults to sing at whatever heel he happened to be against that night.

The key thing about Elias is that no promo of his is ever boring, which is something that can’t be said for almost anyone else on this list. He has such a deep understanding of the attitude and demeanour he needs to convey at all times in order to make his songs and performances stick in the memory long after the show has ended.

5 – Kevin Owens

Kevin Owens’ promo style isn’t polished, it isn’t revolutionary and it lacks a lot of what we as fans would traditionally label as traits required for good promos. However, what Kevin Owens’ promos do have, are heaps of authenticity.

The slightly broken flow with which he speaks gives this feeling of someone who genuinely is coming up with his words on the spot (which he may very well be, for all I know) and the way he is able to control the intensity of his voice and turn it up and down almost by the word fills everything he says with emotion and meaning.

He’s always done great as an entitled, whiney heel with this style, but it wasn’t until he started cutting promos as a face that I realised what really made the way in which he talks so encapsulating. The way in which he rallied against Shane McMahon’s tyrannical reign or the way he’s currently leading the charge against Seth Rollins & AOP all give me this impression of a natural-born leader who fights for what he thinks is right and doesn’t give a damn who hates him for it. People aren’t just comparing him to Stone Cold because he started using the Stunner you know.

4 – The New Day

I’ve put The New Day in here as a group because although they are all brilliant talkers in their own right, it’s the way they talk as a group that makes them one of the best.

When The New Day first formed in WWE, no-one cared and no-one thought they were going to be anything more than another throwaway tag team that would be broken up by the end of the year. So what changed? What was it that made them one of the most popular WWE acts of the decade? While they’re wrestling ability undoubtedly had something to do with it, it was the way they talked that really turned heads.

It’s almost impossible to imagine The New Day as heels now but it was the absolutely hilarious way in which they would run down anyone and everyone around them that got them to a position where people just couldn’t boo them anymore. They are masters of playing off of the crowd. Be it to draw heat or garner support, The New Day have the kind of chemistry that can only come naturally in a team, allowing each of them to run with what the others are saying to the effect of both comedy and drama, making them arguably the best all-round tag team ever to form in WWE.

3 – The Miz

Given that The Miz’s first TV appearance for WWE featured him horrifically butchering a promo, it probably came as a surprise that he turned into one of the best talkers in the business today.

The Miz’s words are sharp and forceful in the way they’re delivered, he always knows exactly the right amount to labour a point and never trails off onto tangents about whatever the writer happened to be thinking about at the time. When he’s a heel (which is inarguably when he’s at his best) he has this amazing ability to layout an extremely well-structured and meaningful argument, but he says it in such a dickish way that you automatically find yourself disagreeing and booing out of hand.

We can’t talk about The Miz’s talking ability without bringing up his now, infamous promo on Talking Smack, where he ran down a then-retired Daniel Bryan and let so much genuine emotion bubble to the surface as he absolutely tore his detractors to shreds. That may have been the moment that The Miz started to turn heads with his promos, but the fact is, he’d been great years before that too. When he was partnered with John Morrison, he was able to bounce off of his partner and create some really funny, yet heelish stuff and as WWE Champion he garnered some real heat, which wasn’t as much “go away heat” as everyone says it was.

Although he was quite good in his recent feud with Bray Wyatt, for the most part, Miz has never been all that great as a face. Everything about his character screams “I deserve to be punched” and he knows exactly how to play up to it with extremely harsh words.

2 – Daniel Bryan

The guy more-or-less talked himself into the main event of Wrestlemania, I think that justifies this place on the list.

No-one in WWE for over a decade has been more popular with the fans than Daniel Bryan and although it would be dismissive of me to say it was entirely due to his abilities on the mic, it is certainly one of the most important factors. The way in which Daniel Bryan carefully creates these long and enthralling promos is absolutely inspirational to watch. No matter what it is he’s trying to say, he can find a way to get the crowd behind him on it and I honestly don’t think there’s anyone in WWE right now that can get a crowd so worked up with words alone.

Then 2018 rolled around and he turned heel, proving that not only could he get any crowd to cheer anything he said, he could also get all of them to boo just as hard. The vitriol with which he ran down every fan in existence was an absolute joy to watch, he was able to let his anger consume his entire building as he stared down the camera and called up all fickle. He was able to get crowds around the US to cheer about being wasteful and boo being ecologically friendly just because it was the opposite of what Bryan was preaching. That was what made it truly amazing is that he took an idea that the majority of fans agree with – recycling and protecting the planet – and presented it in such a way that we couldn’t help but boo and disagree with everything he said.

I’ve long said that Daniel Bryan is the best all-round wrestler in the world today and taking a critical look at his talking ability only furthers that claim. On any given day he can go out in front of any given crowd and get exactly the reaction he wants while being so immensely entertaining to watch, a skill that is arguably unmatched in the entire industry right now.

1 – Bray Wyatt

When it comes to sheer creativity, Wyatt is unmatched in this era and maybe all eras.

When Bray Wyatt first turned up in WWE it was like a breath of fresh air. WWE had tried plenty of “Undertaker-esque” gimmicks over the years, but they all fell flat on their face until Bray Wyatt came along. For one thing, the character didn’t just feel like an Undertaker rip-off, but something new, however, most importantly was Bray Wyatts ability to talk for ages about absolutely nothing while keeping his audience enthralled in his words.

Even when Wyatt’s shine had faded thanks to horrible booking, I still enjoyed listening to him craft his tales because the mannerisms and quirks in the speech patterns made it impossible to ignore. By all rights, the Bray Wyatt character should’ve been dead and buried after it’s treatment throughout 2017 and yet Wyatt turned it all around. He took those speech patterns and mannerisms and turned them into something genuinely unique, – which is such a rarity in modern WWE – in the form of the Firefly Fun House.

He can pull off the “jolly kids presenter” vibe so amazingly well with his over the top expressions, while still managing to throw in the hints of something being slightly…wrong. This makes it all the more terrifying when the facade fades away, as his face drops to a look of anger and his voice gets low and gravelly, even though I know it’s coming, it still gives me chills.

Even when all seemed lost for Bray Wyatt, he turned it around and used his sheer creative talent, alongside acting abilities that wouldn’t be out of place in Hollywood, to create a whole world that brought him back up to the very top of the mountain in WWE.

And that’s the list! Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, please let me know who you think are the best talkers in WWE right now, either in the comments below or on Twitter @10ryawoo. Finally, make sure you come back the same time next week where I’ll be ranking every student from Fire Emblem: Three Houses!

My All-Time Favourite Comedy Shows

I’ve never been someone who watches a great deal of TV, there are a handful of shows that I remain loyal to and will watch whenever a season of it is on but for the most part, TV serves as the background noise of my life, something to have on in the background while I play a game or I’m writing. However, the one genre of TV I find myself frequently enjoying is that of comedy.

There are plenty of Youtube Channels out there that make hilarious content that keeps me entertained, but there’s something about the production and style of TV that provides a level of laughs that I can’t find anywhere else and given that we’ve just gone through the Christmas period, where I’m at home and spend more time watching TV than usual, I thought it’d be fun to go through some of those shows today.

To be clear here, there are no rules in terms of what format the comedy show takes. Sitcoms, panel shows, sketch shows and all the rest are eligible for the list so long as they’re made for TV and are designed to make the audience laugh. So let’s take a look at the funniest of what the land of TV has to offer.

WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNTS OF BRITISHNESS INCOMING

10 – Mock the Week

Ran from: 2005 – Present
Channel:
BBC Two
Starring: 
Dara O’Brien, Hugh Dennis & Various Comedians

I knew I wanted to get one example of the traditional British panel show on here and after running through a couple like Have I Got News for You? and QI I settled on Mock the Week purely because I think it’s the funniest.

Comedians taking the piss out of the news is more or less the backbone of the stand-up genre and Mock the Week took the format brought to the table by Have I Got News For You and revised it to allow for a much more constant stream of laughs. With each episode separated into fairly vague rounds, the format allows the 6 comedians they have on every show to run wild and make a huge variety of jokes on just about anything.

The news from the past week is generally the topic for the most part, but once the comedians finish firing off their quickfire jokes and they start discussing the topic, it’s almost guaranteed that they start to stray onto whatever topic comes into their heads. Then there are the stand-up rounds, where one of the comedians will be given any old topic like Family or Travel and have to do a 5 minute routine on it which gets in a great dose of stand-up comedy as they usually have a selection of the best current comedians on the show. Then there’s the final round of every show, for which the show is arguably the most famous, the “Scenes we’d like to see” round, where all of the participants are given a vague topic like “Unlikely things for a Doctor to say during a check-up” and everyone piles in and does a load of one-liners on the subject which is always hilarious to watch.

Dara O’Brien is a great host for the show, he seems to able to bounce off just about everything anyone says and has generally created some of the funniest moments in the show’s history to boot.

Mock the Week is the best example I can think of for a British panel show because it really does have a bit of everything, pair that with a brilliant host and the finest selection of comedians and you’ve got guaranteed hilarity.

9 – Red Dwarf

Ran from: 1988 – 1999, 2009 – Present
Channel:
BBC Two (1988-1999), Dave (2009-Present)
Starring: 
Craig Charles, Chris Barrie, Danny John-Jules, Robert Llewellyn

Red Dwarf’s a bit of an odd one because it’s one of those shows that are absolutely unmatched when it’s at it’s best, but it spent a good while at a sub-par quality level which has dragged it down and caused it to be considered “overrated” in many circles.

It came about in an era where there was  A LOT of  Sci-fi, especially in the UK. Doctor Who was just about to close out its initial run and Star Trek was just as big in the UK as it was in the US, so this was a show that looked to come in and tear the genre apart; to point out all the ridiculous stuff and satirise it for all to see. It didn’t satirise it in the modern way though, which is to make it SO ridiculous and over the top that it stops being funny, but instead, it took these satirical ideas and framed them in a show that was able to stand on its own two legs as a decent sci-fi show in its own right.

It didn’t create massive worlds with tonnes of characters, but it was able to create a very cosy universe for itself and put just four very well-rounded characters in it and once that was set up, the comedy followed easily. With the exception of perhaps Kryten, you can’t really put any of the main characters into a box and specifically say that they’re a parody of another character from a different sci-fi show because the writers knew that was a style of comedy that couldn’t hold up for very long.

It’s hard to deny that around ’98-’99 the show took a dip in quality, but come 2012 when the first new series in over a decade aired, the show did something very few shows have ever been able to do before. It came back, just as good as it was in its hey-day. It wasn’t quite as good as it was at it’s best, but the recent series of Red Dwarf are just as well written and funny as they were during the original few series and that’s something that can’t be discounted when looking back at it.

Red Dwarf was a show that took a beloved genre and managed to rip the piss out of it, while still adding to it in the process, not once but twice and I’m absolutely thrilled that it’s still going.

8 – That Mitchell and Webb Look

Ran from: 2006-2010
Channel:
BBC Two
Starring: 
David Mitchell, Robert Webb

Sketch comedy is a genre that’s never gone over all that well on TV, it’s a format that’s more suited to the theatre, or in the modern era, online platforms like Youtube. That doesn’t mean that a great sketch show has never been on TV though, and here’s an example of one.

I’ve always loved David Mitchell as a comedian, there’s something about his delivery style that gets me every time he delivers a joke (we’ll get into that a bit more later) and he’s a lot better than I thought he’d be at portraying the wide variety of caricatures that feature on a sketch show like this one. As for Robert Webb, I’m well aware he’s an acquired taste and I know many people that can’t stand him, but I think he’s hilarious. He has this “couldn’t give a shit” style of delivery that I adore, but he can also play over the top enthusiasm in a hilarious way too, which is fantastic for sketches like the obscure & pointless advert parodies.

As for the content of the sketches, there are so many brilliant recurring features that I could list. Just to name a few there’s: The Quiz Broadcast, Ted and Peter the former snooker players, Get Me Henimore and of course…That’s Numberwang! Even the one-off sketches are absolutely brilliantly written in the way they parody all aspects of British TV, it really is a great collection of sketches that I could watch endlessly.

7 – Futurama

Ran from: 1999-2013
Channel:
FOX (1999-2003), Comedy Central (2008-2013)
Starring:
Billy West, Katey Sagal, John DiMaggio

Futurama is a show that Matt Groening created just as his other show, The Simpsons, was starting to see it’s quality decline slowly but surely, which is why it’s almost surprising that Futurama ended up as good as it was. Futurama was a show that took the same style of comedy as The Simpsons and set it in a world where they could absolutely anything they wanted, it was like having a whole series of “Treehouse of Horror” episodes.

Much like Red Dwarf, it was able to identify so many sci-fi trends and find a way to repurpose them for the sake of comedy, with hilarious results. The way it presents Robots is great, where they’ve become advanced to the point where they act pretty much the same as humans allowed for a greater variety of both characters and stories as they explore the differences between the two which led to both comedy and heartfelt moments.

That’s what elevates a comedy show like this above so many other sitcoms, it wasn’t afraid to occasionally make you cry. There are plenty of moments in the show that grounds the whole thing in a very human reality – like Fry seeing his Mom in a dream or the tragedy of Seymore that only serves to enhance the ridiculousness of the lobster monsters and planets with stupid names.

I also don’t think it ever declined in quality all that much. It had the odd crap episode of course, but as far as I’m concerned, the final season in 2013 was on the same level of quality as the first one in 1999. This is thanks to the sheer scale of the show, it allowed the writers with any bat-shit stupid idea they had and make it work. You want Leela to write and film her own kids show, only for it to turn out she stole the idea from some aliens she found? Go for it. You want an hour-long epic where the characters get sucked into a game of D&D that then becomes a Lord of the Rings parody? Let’s get it made. You want to have an episode that’s just about Fry looking for a place to live? No problem, and we’ll make it one of the funniest episodes in show history.

Futurama was a show that was so incredibly creative when it came to its comedy and I honestly don’t think we’ve ever seen a show hit its stride quite like it before or since.

6 – Dave Gorman’s Modern Life is Goodish

Ran from: 2013 – 2017
Channel: 
Dave
Starring:
Dave Gorman

I know, it’s a show about a man called Dave on a channel called Dave, UK TV is weird sometimes.

This is a rare example of what is essentially a series of stand-up shows becoming a serialised TV show, entirely featuring a single comedian, but luckily they picked the perfect man for the job.

Many stand-up will tell stories in order to get their jokes out, it’s one of the main features of any routines, but I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a comedian better at telling a story than Dave Gorman. Check out his stand-up show “Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure” if you don’t believe me, the man can weave all kind of tales while he’s up there on stage and every sentence contains something worth laughing about.

The premise of the show itself is quite simple, he has a slideshow and his voice and he looks to dissect the world we live in and show you why it’s good…ish. The way he goes about it, however, is fantastic, he’s great at the classic style of stand-up bits where he points out all the ridiculous things we accept without even realising it every day; such as game trailers that look to sell the game with “not actual game footage” or how we’re more likely to buy a clock if we think it’s smiling at us (you’re going to have to watch the show to understand that one).

Then in almost every episode, he will do something a bit weird, but hilarious that questions our perceptions of modern life. Like creating a fake music puzzle just to infuriate his friend who’s really good at them; or sending £50 notes through the post in a see-through envelope to see if we can trust the post-service; or my personal favourite, where he put two pairs hamsters in two different cages, one laid with shredded newspaper and the other laid with shredded porn magazines to see if the hamsters with the porn magazines were more sexually active.

Dave Gorman’s Modern Life is Goodish is what happened when a top-level stand-up comedian is at his absolute creative best, with enough variety in every show to tickle your fancy no matter what style of stand-up you like.

5 – Scrubs

Ran from: 2001 – 2010
Channel:
NBC
Starring: 
Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalke, Elisa Coupe, John C McGinley, Niel Flynn, Ken Jenkins

To put it plainly, I don’t like American live-action sitcoms. There have been a couple like How I Met Your Mother and the first couple of seasons of The Big Bang Theory that I’ve thought were alright and Friends certainly has its charm, but they don’t make me laugh out loud like any of the British shows on this list.

Except for Scrubs.

The thing about so many of American sitcoms is that they lean too hard on the silliness, good jokes come from breaking the norm, we laugh because the silly thing is unexpected or out of place, so when the whole world of a show is whacky and ridiculous the jokes don’t seem out of place, so just aren’t as funny. Scrubs understood this and made sure that it was going to ground itself in a very serious world.

A hospital is an inherently serious place, we think of it as a place where incredibly smart people do all they can to help the sick and weak, so what better place to set over-the-top, silly antics? All of the characters in Scrubs feel so larger than life because they’re stuck in this serious, realistic setting that only serves to highlight how absurd all of their jokes and actions are.

What’s amazing about Scrubs though, is that this contrast doesn’t just go one way, it doesn’t just serve to make the jokes seem silly, it serves to make the dark and serious moments have an even greater emotional impact. Just look at an episode like My Lunch for an example of this, the jokes come a mile a minute in this and it always gets loads of laughs out of me the whole way through and then 5 minutes later it’s got me on the edge of tears as it takes the characters through a horrible experience.

Scrubs is a show that understands exactly how to balance those two sides to its world in order to make both of them stand out to the fullest effect. There are plenty of other comedy shows out there that have moments of heart, even some I’m yet to talk about on this list, but none have achieved it quite to the level of quality that Scrubs did.

4 – Would I Lie To You?

Ran from: 2007 – Present
Channel:
BBC One
Starring:
David Mitchell, Lee Mack, Rob Brydo
n & Various TV Personalities

Going back to the world of British Panel shows we’ve got a show that I would say has the largest amount of laughs per minute on this list.

The format of Would I Lie To You is very simple, there are two teams each with two celebrity guests alongside David Mitchell on one team and Lee Mack on the other and they each take turns reading out a story about themselves, this story might be true or it might be a lie and it’s the job of the opposing team to ask questions about the story and determine which it is.

Naturally, all of the stories that come out are slightly weird or absurd which makes the interrogation all the more entertaining as the guests being questioned weave a grand tapestry of an absolutely ridiculous story that is so stupid it MUST be true. Mitchell & Mack are always on throughout this show, ready to pounce on any oddity or inconsistency in hilarious fashion, to the point where the show often devolves into an absolutely side-splitting shouting match between the captains who are able to bounce off of each other flawlessly.

The guests are also brilliant at making their stories sound as ludicrous as possible, just watch Henning Vane’s story of how he got onto Interpol’s missing person’s list, or James Acaster’s cabbage rivalry, or literally anything Bob Mortimer has ever said on that show. Rob Brydon does a great job of keeping the show moving and isn’t afraid to get involved in the shouting matches when he wants to, which only makes things all the funnier.

It’s a show that has that sense of fun that telling your mates a story of something that happened to you has, only with the added bonus of seeing that story torn apart by people who make a living being entertaining and funny. It doesn’t do anything special or groundbreaking, it’s just all-out hilarity from start to finish and that’s good enough for me.

3 – Black Books

Ran from: 2000 – 2004
Channel:
Channel 4
Starring:
Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey, Tamsin Greig

Going to the slightly more obscure regions now, to a show that, the first time I watched it blew me away by how obscenely funny it was.

Dylan Moran’s performance is what makes this show as good as it is, I’ve always loved his style of stand-up and he turns that up to eleven for his character in this show, being constantly loud, abrasive and generally an absolute arsehole to everyone and everything around him. This kind of “don’t give a shit” attitude that his character gives off adds so much to every single joke in the show, giving it this over-the-top feel that I just can’t help but laugh at.

On top of that, the jokes are just extremely well written. They don’t make any grand comments about our society or have some deep emotional meaning, they’re just unapologetically funny. Sometimes comedy for the sake of comedy is exactly what I want from TV and no show does that better than Black Books, every situation the characters get themselves into is relatively realistic, just slightly exaggerated and it brings out the best in each of the characters.

All three of the main characters have very clear roles to play and the performances slot into them perfectly. With Dylan Moran’s character providing the pessimist’s view, Bill Bailey’s character providing the optimist’s view and Tasmin Greig’s character serving as a mediator between the two, the three characters are constantly at each other throats and it makes for some of the best pure comedy I’ve ever seen.

2 – The Simpsons

Ran from: 1989 – Present
Channel:
FOX
Starring:
Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith

It’s hard to summarise why I love The Simpsons in just a few paragraphs. During its 30 years and counting on the air, it became more than a TV, spearheading a cultural movement in the US, shifting away from the wholesome family style of TV into a darker product that prefered to satirise the modern family values; although people far more articulate than I have already gone into that in great detail (I recommend Super Eyepatch Wolf on YouTube if you’re interested).

This year I completed a task I had set for myself the previous summer to watch every episode of The Simpsons ever, in order. Not counting season 31, which is currently airing, that’s 662 episodes of a sitcom I believe to be unrivalled in its quality, a feeling that was only amplified by the time I had finished watching them all.

The Simpsons is a show that has been in my life almost literally as long as I can remember, when I was growing up (and still to this day) it was on the TV in my parents’ house at least once every couple of days, usually more. It was a show that helped define my sense of humour and also the humour of those around me, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone over the age of 8 who hasn’t at least heard of The Simpsons and when it comes to the circles I’m a part of on social media, Simpsons’ quotes are pretty much the default setting for jokes.

The first 8 to 10 years of The Simpsons is undoubtedly some of the best television ever produced and while I can’t deny that in the many years since the show has declined in quality – with some episodes that are downright awful – but I think it’s still a lot better than most people give it credit for. While the laugh-out-loud jokes and quotable moments are fewer and further between in the modern version of the show, I very rarely come away from an episode without having had a good giggle once or twice, which is a lot more than I can say for just about any other sitcom I’ve ever seen.

For not only providing me with more laughs than any other TV show ever made, but for helping to shape the sense of humour I have today and being a show that will likely be on the air until the heat-death of the universe, The Simpsons very nearly takes the top spot, but not quite.

1 – Taskmaster

Ran from: 2015 – Present
Channel:
Dave (2015-2019), Channel 4 (2020-Present)
Starring:
Greg Davies, Alex Horne, Various Comedians

The reasons that I love Taskmaster aren’t as complicated as many of the other shows I’ve talked about on this list. It doesn’t contrast its comedy with touching moments and it doesn’t look to tell any kind of story. Instead, it just takes it personalities, puts them in weird situations and sit back as hilarity ensues.

Taskmaster is a show put together by Alex Horne where for each series they will get a panel of five comedians and set them weird and interesting tasks. These tasks are things like “Knock all the rubber ducks off of the fence as fast as possible” or “Get 11 points” with no indication of how points are scored. These situations on their own would be funny enough, but what really makes this show something special is the fact that the only rules that are set in stone are the ones written on the card, anything else is fair game.

When you have a bunch of comedians who have trained themselves to be quick-witted and creative thinkers, they will always come up with the most ridiculous and creative ways to work around the rules of the task. This inevitably leads to a couple of the comedians nailing it in genuinely impressive ways, while others fail miserably in hilarious displays of ineptitude.

Greg Davies pulls the show together very nicely in his role as the person who judges the performances and hands out the scores, always finding the right way to mock the contestants, leading to some great banter between everyone on the panel. On top of this, despite the fact that the show has been running for 9 seasons, the team behind the show don’t seem to be running dry on task ideas, every new season is just as good as the last one, never dropping in quality which seems like an incredible feat to me.

Taskmaster seemed like a hit-or-miss formula and they knocked it out of the park, no show has made me laugh so hard for so long while maintaining its quality the whole way through its still-ongoing lifespan.

And that’s the list! Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, let me know what comedy shows you, love, either in the comments below or on Twitter @10ryawoo! Join me this time next week where I’ll be running down the best talkers in WWE today!

Game of the Year 2019

2019 has been a bit of an odd year for games. There have been several high-profile releases scattered throughout the year like there always are, but I think that when we look back at gaming in 2019, it will be remembered as the year that set up all the super-hyped releases in 2020.

Despite that – as I mentioned in my favourite old games article – I played more games in 2019 than I ever had in a single year and that is just as true for new releases. While there might not have been much on a massive scale like Cyberpunk or Animal Crossing promises to be next year, there are undoubtedly some all-time favourites for me that came out this year.

Just to clarify, Early Access games will not be included on this list as I don’t think it’s fair to judge an unfinished game, I will instead consider them for “Game of the Year” in whatever year they leave early access. Also, I’d like to make a quick disclaimer that there are some games that I think look brilliant, but never found the time to play. Games like Baba is You and Superliminal are ones that I want to play as soon as possible, so will likely be showing up on my “old games” list at the end of next year.

So join me as I talk about the best of what the world of gaming had to offer in 2019.

SPOILER WARNING

As you probably expected, there will be major spoilers for most, if not all, of the games in this list. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

11 – Cricket 19

Release Date: 8th May
Developer: 
Big Ant Studios
Publisher: 
Big Ant Studios
Platforms: Playstation 4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Windows
Metacritic Average: 73%

It’s ok Americans, you’re excused from this one.

So this one’s probably not one anyone expected to make this list (myself included), but I really wanted to feature it on this list because cricket is a sport that has almost never had a competently made game for it. I had a brief discussion about this with my dad (an avid cricket fan) and we came to the conclusion that the best cricket game up until this point was Stick Game’s Stick Cricket which was a free browser & mobile game made over a decade ago.

While I certainly wouldn’t consider myself a fan of cricket, there are many sports I can’t stand watching that I enjoy playing virtual versions of, so when I saw that the reviews for this game didn’t call it a total crock of shit I was eager to try it out. The first thing that struck me was the sheer level of detail that went into how you approach every match in the game. If you’re in batting then you have to not only consider the basic stuff like the type of shoot you’ll do and where it’ll go but also the little details like where you’re going to position your feet and how you’re going to step towards the ball and it’s a very similar situation on the bowling side.

This year’s world cup final aside, I’ve never enjoyed watching cricket, I don’t find most sports very entertaining, but cricket especially bores me to tears whenever I try and watch it, so imagine my surprise when I found myself reacting with all the vim and vigour you’d expect from a match-day pub crowd while playing a match in this game. Every ball became a nail-biting affair, whether I was batting or bowling and all of that is thanks to the fact that the detailing has allowed for both a realistic and more exciting adaptation of the national sport of these fair isles.

Unlike many of the previous attempts at cricket games, it’s obvious that Cricket 19 had a lot of love poured into it from people who knew a lot about cricket and while there are rough patches that need to be ironed out, this is the first time that I can say there’s a cricket game out there that does the sport justice.

Now we just need a competently made Rugby game and we’ll be set.

10 – Hot Lava

Release Date: 19th September
Developer: 
Klei Entertainment
Platforms: Windows, Mac, Linux

Hot Lava is a game that knew exactly what it’s audience wanted from it and leaned into it entirely.

The Floor Is Lava was always the ultimate game to play when you were a kid, it combined the rush of doing something you’re not supposed to with the endless desire to concuss yourself that plagues all children of primary school age, but it had a problem, you were never really allowed to have much fun with it. There was only so much jumping between the sofas you could do before your mum came downstairs with a look of horror as to what you were doing to her lovely living room, and playing it during the 5 second moments when the teachers weren’t looking your way on the playground just wasn’t the same. I always dreamt of being able to play the game across the whole size of the playground, I imagined the amazing courses I could set up for me and my friends before I would inevitably slip on the first jump, gently graze my elbow and cry my way home.

Hot Lava is essentially that fantasy…only without that wimpy prick ruining it for everyone.

Mechanically, it’s a fairly simple game. It’s got all the features you’d expect a parkour game to have, where it really shines is in its level designs. The school setting makes for a great feel for the game as you’re bouncing around all over the place, but each level is finely crafted to make the most of its mechanics at every turn. Even levels that focus in on a specific gimmick are able to keep things varied throughout, slowly turning up the difficulty so the game scales perfectly with the player’s skill level. Then, once you’re done with the official levels, there is an ever-increasing number of community-made maps out there which range from the impressively creative to the frustratingly difficult.

I had so much fun leaping from table to chair in Hot Lava, it was able to properly capture that feeling that you always wanted to get from playing The Floor is Lava as a kid.

9 – Trine 4: The Nightmare Prince

Release Date: 8th October
Developer:
Frozenbyte
Publisher:
Modus Games
Platforms: Playstation 4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Windows
Metacritic Average: 81%

As I mentioned when I spoke about my most anticipated games for Q4 2019, I talked a bit how I love the Trine series and while Trine 3 was somewhat disappointing, I was still hopeful for the new entry into the series. So now I’ve played it, I can safely say that the series is still going strong.

Ditching the 3D side of the game was definitely the right way to go, as it just didn’t quite work, especially when the potential for level design in 2D was far from exhausted, as this game proved. The level design here was just as good as it always has been, every level feels like a logical progression of mechanics, following the same design philosophies that the 2D Mario games do, only this game plays around with some more complex mechanics that make each level last for about 30 minutes instead of 5, but all 30 of those minutes are engrossing stuff.

The pacing in each level has been notably improved, the team seem to have really nailed the balance that needs to be struck between puzzle-platforming and combat. The game’s combat system is extremely basic, which is why it’s used so sparingly through the levels, which is the perfect way to break up the flow of gameplay, so the whole thing feels more like an adventure and less of an endless series of puzzle rooms.

Speaking of the puzzles, they were as spot-on as always, the game didn’t go overboard with new mechanics this time which allowed for a big variety of puzzles that combine features I was already familiar with, with the new ones that got introduced in a very well-paced manner, so I never felt overwhelmed. The puzzles themselves were fantastically designed, I would never breeze through a puzzle, but I also wouldn’t be stuck on it for ages, most puzzles are designed in such a way to make you think about the mechanics you’ve been given in an abstract way. All of the elements in play react to each other differently, so after playing around with any given puzzle for a bit, that “eureka” moment will finally strike and you’ll be able to progress.

As always, the game looks absolutely gorgeous. Trine understands it’s visual style flawlessly and is able to make just about any environment look absolutely beautiful. Not only do the environments look good, but there’s such a wonderful variety of places that you explore as well, which is a big improvement on the older games of the series, where a lot of the environments could feel a tad samey.

Trine 4 is able to look at its predecessors and remove the flaws while keeping what made it great to begin with, which is such a difficult task, but one that the people behind this game were clearly up to.

8 – Slay The Spire

Release Date: January 23rd
Developer:
MegaCrit
Publisher:
Humble Bundle
Platforms: Playstation 4, Nintendo Switch, Windows, Mac, Linux
Metacritic Average: 89%

The Roguelike/Roguelite genre is one that I have become truly and thoroughly burnt-out on over the past couple of years. There are so many around the place now that it’s a formula I’m tired of seeing, so it takes something pretty damn special from the genre to make me take notice, enter Slay The Spire.

Slay The Spire looked at the standard Roguelike formula and distilled it down to it’s most basic elements, the rooms you encounter are all very simple, they’re either a fight, a treasure, a quick event, or a shop then it decided that the best course of action would be to slap a deckbuilding, turn-based strategy on the top of it and see what comes out. The result? The most engaging Roguelike game I’ve played in years.

Every battle in Slay the Spire feels tense and to the wire, not because the game is necessarily harsh, but because you’re always reliant on the cards that come your way. It strikes the perfect balance between getting you to think a few steps ahead, while still forcing you to take chances, chances that don’t always pay off. I remember countless times where I’d come up with a plan, but it would rely on drawing the right card at the right time and when it didn’t work it was heartbreaking, but succeeding made me feel like a tactical genius.

The three different decks in the game are also brilliant for allowing you to adjust your play style, without massively overturning the formula of the game. Each character has it’s own unique mechanic that is open to massive amounts of experimentation,  which is something I had great fun with. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t consider myself to be very good at most games, but Slay the Spire had such a smooth learning curve that I felt like I was improving with every single victory.

Slay the Spire is a game that took a genre that I love, combine it with a genre I’m tired of and make something that feels new, exciting and tonnes of fun to play, this is the kind of innovation that I’ve been looking for in the roguelike genre for ages and I desperately hope we see more of it in the years to come.

7 – Katana ZERO

Release Date: April 18th
Developer:
Askiisoft
Publisher:
Devolver Digital
Platforms: Nintendo Switch, Windows, Mac
Metacritic Average: 83%

One of my favourite things a game can accomplish is to be one specific thing while disguising itself as something else. To explain what I mean by that, let’s take a look at Katana ZERO.

When you star Katana ZERO, the impression I got from it is that it was going to be a fast-paced hack and slash, where you slice your way through waves of enemies feeling like a katana-wielding action hero and while the second part of that statement is true, Katana ZERO is in fact not a hack and slash, but a very clever and high-octane puzzle game.

The goal of each room is to introduce every enemy in the general vicinity to your Katana, usually by separating them from most of their limbs in the process, but if you go charging madly into every room, you’ll most certainly fail almost instantly. Instead, every room in the game is cleverly designed to be “solvable”, with a distinct order and pattern in which you need to show everyone their own spleen before removing their head in what can only be described as a “flourish” of blood. Every time I entered a room, I would instantly scour the whole place looking for the one weak spot where I could start my slicing rampage, running through a mental checklist every time I failed and restarted a room, which gave incredibly satisfying feeling when my master plan was executed to perfection.

What makes Katana ZERO stands out though, is the fact that it has that element of chaos to it. I could make the most ingenious plans ever, but that doesn’t mean I was good enough to pull them off perfectly all the time and that was where the game was at its most fun; when plans went wrong. Once a plan went wrong, it would be easy to just take the death and try again, but I think doing that takes out a huge element of the sheer joy that this game brings you when you improvise. Admittedly, my improvised plans very rarely bore fruit, but that didn’t stop it being an absolute blast when I missed my second strike, which sent me sailing into a room of armoured guards, causing me to panic, throw a firebomb which killed the armoured guards but alerted everyone within a 5-mile radius to my presence, at which point I went on a killing spree, slicing every neck I could lay my eyes on before finally being gunned down.

In addition to that…well…clusterfuck, the game has simplistic but masterfully styled visuals with great uses of colours and effect to create a depressingly beautiful cyberpunk dystopia, a feeling only helped by the brilliant choices that were made with the music, which helped elevate the already fantastically designed boss-fights to epic clashes and nail-biting encounters.

Katana ZERO is a game that strikes that perfect balance between careful & tactical planning and total chaos that makes for an incredibly focused and fun game, all tied together with a clever story that keeps you interested and invested in the world all the way to the credits.

6 – Unheard

Release Date: 29th March
Developer:
NEXT Studios
Publisher:
NEXT Studios, Bilibili
Platforms: Playstation 4, Windows, Mac
Metacritic Average: 72%

Out of all the games on this list, this is the one that I’d imagine the fewest people have heard of, because this almost passed me by too, so let me explain.

At its most basic level, it’s a mystery-solving game, however, the method by which you solve these mysteries is what makes this an absolutely exceptional game in my view. Instead of searching the scene and interviewing witnesses after the fact, you get to see the 5-15 minutes in which the crime happened, except you don’t get to actually see the details. What you get is a floor-plan view of the building in which the crime took place which you can wander around as you play through the events of the scene and the only tool you have to work out what happened is sound.

You can see the outline of where everyone is at any moment, but you can’t actually see their form, you can only hear their voices. Using this information you must work out who everyone is, and answer specific questions about the crime. I can’t really be more specific without giving away partial solutions to some of the puzzles, but the way in which the game gets you to hear every conversation in a level to slowly fill in all the blanks is so very innovative and clever.

The game typically starts you off in each scenario listening to one conversation that will give a rough outline of what’s going on, but naturally, there are other conversations going on all over the scene at the exact same time and each conversation slowly fills in all of the blanks. In every conversation, you listen to you’ll learn something new about the scenario that slowly allows you to draw everything together and hit that euphoria of the “eureka” moment when you nail your target.

The game makes sure to give you just the right amount of information so that everything you need to know is there, but without explicitly giving you all of the solutions. I found myself taking notes on every level, creating a list of suspects and slowly ruling them out as I went along until the true culprit reveals themselves.

The mysteries themselves are very well thought out, for example, you’ll have to locate a stolen painting and work out who stole it, but there are also a number of fakes that other people have stolen, thinking they’re the real deal and it’s your job to use the conversations around the scene to piece together a chronology of who committed the first theft in order to determine who holds the real painting.

At £5 the game is absolutely worth it for the 5 puzzles (plus 1 as free DLC) that total to about 4 hours of game time. This is one of the most enthralling and unique puzzle games I’ve played ever and it perfectly captures the feeling on solving a mystery, so if you’re into that sort of thing, this game is a must-have.

5 – Beat Saber

Release Date: 21st May
Developer:
Jaroslav Beck
Publisher:
Jaroslav Beck
Platforms: Playstation 4, Oculus Quest, HTC Vive
Metacritic Average: 93%

I’ve loved VR for a long time and Beat Saber is probably my favourite VR game I’ve ever played. The concept is so simple as it’s just like any other rhythm game, except you’ve got to move your arms to hit the blocks instead of just pressing buttons in time with some music.

This game as a mastery of its sound design, making sure that every slice of a block has an extremely satisfying sound to it, helping to create this cool factor as you slice left, right and centre, even when you know that to anyone watching outside of the headset, you just look to be flailing around wildly. Even the sounds and music on the menus create an intense sense of atmosphere as you stand in what seems to be the most neon warehouse to ever exist.

A lot of VR games that I enjoy are games that I think would still work fairly well without the VR component. While games like Job Simulator and Budget Cuts would need some tweaking, I don’t think the VR element is specifically what makes them as good as they are. Beat Saber is very much the opposite, I’ve never particularly cared for rhythm games, nor am I all that good at them, but when you take that concept and put it into VR suddenly it becomes one of the most all-out fun experiences I’ve ever had.

I don’t know what part of how my brain works causes this, but I am so much better at Beat Saber than I am any other rhythm game I’ve ever played. I’m miles away from being among the best of course, but I can play on the higher speeds and difficulties and not struggle massively as I play and I think the sense of pure fun the game as injected into it is a big part of that.

On top of all of that, it works as an exercise game, but it doesn’t frame it as one. I’ve never got along with games like Ring Fit Adventure or Wii Fit because they make sure to let you know you’re doing exercise the whole way through, but in Beat Saber you just start flailing your arms and suddenly you’re drenched in sweat and have lost about 20 pounds without even realising it.

Beat Saber is a game that realised the massive potential that an existing genre of games could have in VR and made sure to tailor the experience perfectly so that it couldn’t possibly work without it and that is fundamentally what I believe makes a good VR game.

4 – Descenders

Release Date:  7th May
Developer:
RageSquid
Publisher:
No More Robots
Platforms: Xbox One, Windows, Mac, Linux
Metacritic Average: 78%

I’ve talked about Descenders a couple of times already this year and it’s safe to say that my love for it has not diminished in the slightest.

It was first available on Steam Early Access in February 2018 and I picked it up a couple of months later and since then it’s become my 2nd most played game on Steam at 539 hours, beaten out by only Skyrim and the weird thing is, I’m not even entirely sure why I play it so much. I certainly wouldn’t describe it as an addictive game, but what I think is it’s a very easy game to play.

By “easy to play” I don’t mean the difficulty of the game itself, I mean it’s a game that I’m never “not in the mood” to play. In the way that I play it (very casually), I don’t really have to put much thought into it, so it’s become what I play when I don’t want to play anything. I’m someone who finds it very hard to just sit and watch something for example, so what I will often do is put on something I want to watch on my 2nd screen and then play Descenders, almost in the background, while I watch it.

That’s not all Descenders is good for, because it hits that sweet spot that PopCap games were always brilliant for, where you can play it casually and do fairly well, but also you can spend time honing your skills and mastering the game in order to pull off some incredible feats of skill that I could never even dream of. The procedurally generated nature of the levels means I’m never just “going through the motions” when I play, I can’t just rely on muscle memory to get me through each level I have to learn to adapt to the terrain that’s currently in front of me so I don’t wrap my body around several trees at several hundred kilometres per hour.

It’s a game that has complete mastery over its movement, the bikes feel light and nippy while manoeuvring it in the air and on the ground feels forceful and satisfying. The way you glide down the hillsides, doing jumps and flips and spins the whole gives this incredible feeling of flow that gives you such a rush as your performance in the environments becomes more fluid and streamlined.

Descenders is a game that came together in a way I honestly never would’ve expected in order to make it a game that I’m going to be playing on-and-off for a very long time.

3 – Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

Release Date: 18th June
Developer:
ArtPlay
Publisher:
505 Games
Platforms: Playstation 4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, Windows
Metacritic Average: 84%

I’d never got around to playing a Castlevania game before, but they always seemed right up my street, so when I heard there was a game coming out made by the original creator of Castlevania in the style of Castlevania (but not officially called Castlevania because Konami doesn’t like using the historic franchises they own) I knew I had to check it out and I was absolutely blown away by what I found.

Bloodstained constantly keeps you on a journey of discovery. The items, enemies and powers it’s possible to acquire/encounter mean you’re always going to be finding something new and the map itself is packed with an almost overwhelming amount of variety. Every area feels extremely different to the ones that surround it and they’re all just the right size so that once you get comfortable in an area, you’re thrown right into a new one.

The combat system is wonderfully designed, it took a little getting used to, but once I got the pacing of when I should be striking and dodging I had so much fun with it. Every room presented a great challenge and I had a lot of fun trying to work out how best to tackle each combination of enemies that got thrown my way. It nails that balance of enemy design, where every enemy is easy on its own, but when a bunch of different ones are thrown together, it creates a great challenge.

That was also a game that reminded me how amazing boss fights can be, because not since NieR Automata have I had so much fun fighting bosses in a game. They follow that ethos that so many, typically old games do in that every boss has clear and recognisable patterns that are easy to dodge/counter and the skill comes from being able to react to them in time in order to deal out the damage. It’s a game that makes sure that every single failure and death I experienced was because I wasn’t skilful enough in order to pull it off, not because I got unlucky.

Bloodstained makes sure that every room and every enemy teaches you something, not necessarily something about the mechanics, but about what is the most optimal way to fight. This sense of pushing forward and constantly getting to experience new stuff is what pushed me towards achieving 100% completion without even realising I was doing it until suddenly I was 95% there and had to get that last little bit.

Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night is a game that is constantly pushing you deeper into it using its world & enemy design along with its combat system to enthral you in its world and give you the best Metroidvania experience I’ve had in many years.

2 – Pokemon Sword & Shield

Release Date: 15th November
Developer:
Game Freak
Publisher:
Nintendo
Platforms: Nintendo Switch
Metacritic Average: 80%

If you’ve followed my blog for any length of time then you were probably expecting to see this on the list somewhere and here you go, number two, it’s becoming a bit of a tradition for Pokemon games actually.

I was very excited for these games more or less all year, I can’t deny that the lack of the national dex was a tad disappointing, but once I had the game in my hands and was playing it, that fact becomes little more than a tiny annoyance that I barely ever thought about.

Firstly, when it comes to the towns and routes in the game, I thought they were absolutely beautiful and captured a lot of different feelings from phases in British culture. There’s Motostoke, the industrial, victorian town; Wyndon the modern-day metropolis that we all know and (kind of) love today and then there were towns like Ballonlea that felt like something out of an old fairy tale. The visuals in this game were bright, colourful and an absolute joy to behold.

As for the Pokemon, while I certainly wouldn’t rank it among the best new roster we’ve received for a generation, It’s most certainly nowhere near the worst. I’ve already talked about the Pokemon I loved the most, but there were a whole host of other new Pokemon added in this game that I really love the look and feel of.

While the story itself was nothing special by Pokemon standards, it was paced quite nicely and I thought the climax was quite a cool sequence, not Ultra Necrozma levels of cool, but cool nonetheless; and I enjoyed my interactions with any character not named Hop or Leon. I also thought the difficulty was rather nicely done, I didn’t exactly struggle at any point, but there were several points in the big battles that I felt were a bit touch-and-go and I was forced to think about what I was doing a bit harder than I usually have to in Pokemon games.

I’m undoubtedly biased towards Pokemon as a franchise, but that doesn’t change the fact that I had loads of fun with this addition to the series. It was a Pokemon game that ticked all the boxes in terms what I need to have fun from a Pokemon game and in terms of visual spectacle, I think it’s the best we’ve seen so far. If the lack of a national dex was the only thing keeping you away then implore you to reconsider because this is still just as brilliant of an experience as Pokemon always has been.

1 – Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Release Date: 26th July
Developer:
Intelligent System, Koei Tecmo
Publisher:
Nintendo
Platforms: Nintendo Switch
Metacritic Average: 89%

I’d never played a Fire Emblem game before Three Houses and I didn’t even have any intensions to buy it until I did so on a whim in early September and I am so glad I didn’t miss out on this absolutely joyous gaming experience.

The Turn-Based Strategy combat in this game is extremely refined and taps into that part of my brain that games like XCOM and Civilization created that loves deep strategic thinking in games. The usage of middle-aged weaponry (and magic) gives the battles a very different type of strategy to what I’m used to, I usually tend to play quite defensively in turn-based strategies but the need to get up close and personal with your opponents means you’re not afforded that luxury and it leads to some very tense situations that require a deep level of strategic thought to resolve.

Weaponry and classes each unit has access to gives a nice level of variety too, with each melee weapon allowing for slightly different possibilities in combat, alongside the ranged and magic weapons/abilities meaning each unit has to be treated very differently in battle in order to get the optimum performance out of them.

That’s not what made this game so special to me though. That’s not the reason that, as of the time of writing, I’m currently about to reach the conclusion of my 4th playthrough of this 45-hour game. What makes Fire Emblem: Three Houses such a wonderful game to play are its characters.

You play as a professor at an academy where the various future lords, nobles & knights of the land learn their craft, this naturally means you have students and you get to know these students so incredibly well throughout the course of the game. Every single part of every character is dripping in personality and while it’s true that many of the characters are a bit one-note, when there’s so many of them and they’re all constantly interacting and bouncing off of each other, then you don’t even notice.

Over the course of the game, I grew to understand all of the characters and how they operate in the same way that any teacher does when they have the same class for an extended period of time, you get to see them grow and develop as people and I genuinely care about all of them and their progress. This feeds back into the gameplay and combat because it’s not just faceless armies that you’re sending into danger, it’s your students that you’ve bonded with and have a whole future ahead of them and when one of them dies, that failure – YOUR failure – weighs on you.

The game’s branching narrative is brilliantly set up, forcing you to choose your house less than an hour into the game, with only a base-level understanding of the students you’ll be taking under your wing. It was what pushed me to dive right into my 2nd, 3rd & 4th playthroughs because I had to know what happened to all of these characters that I’ve grown to love.

The feature characters for each line in the narrative are very well-developed as well and there are some genuinely brilliantly written scenes in every path. This was a game that understood that the emotional weight of its story came not from the events happening, but how those events affect the characters. Every scene is written in such a way to draw you into the lives of its characters and that level of investment bleeds over into every other part of the game, whether you’re teaching them on their skills or sending them into battle.

Fire Emblem: Three Houses is that perfect mix that captures exactly what made me fall in love with Octopath Traveler last year. Its characters are flowing with personality that never fails to make me smile and the gameplay has a deep level of strategy that I just can’t keep away from and it’s absolutely the best gaming experience I’ve had in 2019.

So that’s it! Those were my favourite games in 2019! Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, please, let me know what games you loved this year either in the comments below or on Twitter @10ryawoo. Finally, make sure to join me back here on Saturday, where I’ll be talking about my favourite comedy shows!

WWE Match of the Year 2019

As we close out another year, it’s always fun to look back at what some of the best stuff we got to see from the previous year was. The world of wrestling had no shortage of great stuff this year, both inside and outside the ring, so I can’t wait to run down these matches that I loved the most.

A quick disclaimer, while I do talk a bit about matches outside of WWE I liked, I didn’t watch enough non-WWE wrestling this year to make a full list, although I intend to broaden my horizons as much as possible next year, so hopefully, that will change in time for next years list.

11 – Tag Team Gauntlet Match – Smackdown 3/26

Perhaps the biggest storyline to come out of this year is Kofi Kingston’s ascension to the WWE Championship for the first time in his career and, trust me, this isn’t going to be the last time we talk about it on this list.

This was a match that came towards the end of his storyline, but is one of the most important and one of the best, which is weird when you consider that Kofi wasn’t even in it. Vince had declared that just two weeks out from Wrestlemania, Kofi had been given more than enough chances to earn himself a title opportunity, so the onus was now on his partners in The New Day, Big E & Xavier Woods to do it for him. They had to face off against Gallows & Anderson, Nakamura & Rusev, The Bar, The Usos and Bryan & Rowan in a gauntlet match and if they won, Kofi would go to Wrestlemania.

The action in the ring was great stuff, but it’s the story and the way it was told that makes this great. Big E & Woods gave the impression that they were fighting with all their hearts and souls in order to give their best friend the opportunity he deserves, amplified by Kofi watching from the back, with a slowly growing number of Smackdown wrestlers joining him to cheer E & Woods on to victory.

The pacing was perfectly done, with New Day getting solid victories early on in the match until disaster struck when The Bar put Big E through a table following their elimination. This led to what may very well be my favourite storyline moment from the whole year as The Usos came out, as Big E laid there and Xavier Woods stood ready to fight alone, before The Usos told them that Kofi had already earned their respect and refused to fight, forfeiting their spot in the match.

The whole final sequence of that match was nailbiting, after being disappointed so many times over the past couple of months it still felt like Kofi getting his shot was impossible, but when it finally happened it was wonderful. The celebration after the fact with The New Day and most of the locker room was one of the most feel-good moments of the year, but it wouldn’t be the biggest for Kofi, that was still to come.

10 – Women’s Royal Rumble Match – Royal Rumble

As a whole, this wasn’t one of the best Rumble matches and it certainly won’t go down as one of the greats, but I still get choked up at Lynch’s insertion into the match and eventual victory, so it’s earned a spot on this list.

The space between Survivor Series and Wrestlemania 35 this year was a very tense time for any Becky Lynch fans. Everyone knew that Lynch was such a huge star by this point that her spotlight at Wrestlemania should’ve been undeniable, but this is WWE and they’ve disappointed us plenty of times before, however, this was the night where it became clear that we were going to be getting what we wanted and it felt amazing.

After putting on a fantastic match against Asuka earlier in the night, Lynch wasn’t originally given a spot in the Rumble match, however, an injury sustained by Lana on the pre-show gave her an opening. I remember being on the absolute edge of my seat as she stood there, desperately pleading her case to Finlay and the moment where she gets the green light and her music hits is the kind of moment in wrestling that’s going to stay with me for a very long time.

The final 10 minutes of that match told a fantastic story that kept the emotional moments coming. There were plenty of tense “almost” eliminations as the match entered its final moments, including a potential injury from Becky that threatened to hand Charlotte the victory, which led to the fantastic line as Becky pushed the doctors away and got back in the ring and screamed at Charlotte, “You’ve taken enough from me, you’re not taking this”.

Everything Becky did in this match was the perfect encapsulation of why we all fell in love with her as a performer mid-way through 2018 and why she’s still THE biggest star in all of the wrestling industry to this day.

9 – Velveteen Dream(c) vs Roderick Strong vs Pete Dunne – NXT Takeover: Toronto
(North American Championship)

Unsurprisingly, this won’t be the last NXT match on this list.

NXT Takeover events are shows that usually only feature one on one (or two on two, in the case of tag teams) matches and it’s understandable why. The kinds of stories NXT tells only tend to work with two people and these singles matches tend to be the overall highest in quality. So a triple threat in this era of NXT in quite a rarity. However, after seeing this match I’d love to see a lot more in future.

The three men in the match are easily among the best pure wrestlers in WWE today and both Dream & Strong have very clear and powerful characters to them as well, so a clash like this was always going to be amazing. This match had everything you’d expect from it, a lot of quick action early on with all three men jockeying for position before things began to focus on technical prowess and great look dives.

The match as a whole was paced to perfection, there was very seldom a moment where nothing was happening as all three men seemed to appear in just the right place at just the right time. There wasn’t a great deal of the classic triple threat trope where one man peters out while the other two fight, instead, all three men were more or less constantly involved in the action that made for a fast-paced match that built and built all the way to the finish.

Speaking of the finish, it was rather shocking and great fun. The camera work was spot on to make me believe that Strong was about to win before Dream quite literally dropped out of the sky to break it up and steal the victory. While this match didn’t tell any kind of revolutionary story, it’s been an absolute blast to watch every time I’ve gone back to it.

8 – Kofi Kingston vs Daniel Bryan vs  Jeff Hardy vs
Samoa Joe vs AJ Styles vs Randy Orton – Smackdown 12th February
(Gauntlet Match)

We’ve already spoken a bit about Kofi’s story and now it’s time to go back to when it started.

This was a gauntlet match that took place just 5 days before the Elimination Chamber match between all 6 participants and it’s incredible to think that Kofi wasn’t even supposed to be a part of it. Mustafa Ali was originally set to take the final spot in the match but suffered an unfortunate injury the week prior to this match taking place, so Kofi was brought in as a reliable performer who could get the job done. Little did WWE know what would happen next.

What happened next was Kofi went out to the ring and put on the performance of a lifetime. The match opened with a 25-minute back-and-forth between Kingston and Daniel Bryan, during which Bryan pulled out every little bit of skill and knowledge he had in his body to make Kofi look like an absolute superhero, climaxing when Kofi pinned Daniel Bryan – The WWE Champion – clean. Kofi wasn’t done.

Kofi continued his roll, putting on three more great matches against Jeff Hardy, Samoa Joe and AJ Styles, falling at the final hurdle to Styles after a star-making showing. People had always thought Kofi was deserving of recognition for his 11 years of hard work for WWE, but it was this match that made the fanbase put it’s foot down and DEMAND it. Without this match, Kofi never would’ve had the amazing year that he did and it was an absolutely fantastic bout bell-to-bell to boot.

7 – Shayna Baszler(c) vs Rhea Ripley – NXT 18th December
(NXT Women’s Championship)

A late addition to this list, but a worthy one nonetheless, it’s time to talk about Rhea Ripley.

When Rhea Ripley showed up on US NXT in the summer, it was quite exciting, I wasn’t massively familiar with her stuff in NXT UK but I’d liked what little I’d seen, then not a lot happened with her for a few months. It seemed like she was going to be Shayna’s next big challenger but plans changed and Mia Yim got that spot instead. However, eventually, November came around and more or less overnight turned Rhea into an absolute star.

For one thing, she kicked ass in the build to WarGames & Survivor Series, being put over as the strongest women’s wrestler in NXT time and time again, even beating both Charlotte & Sasha on Smackdown one Friday. Then WarGames came about and she more or less carried the match for her team and came out victorious, the roll continued into Sunday where she put on an excellent showing and won the elimination tag match for her team, the crowd were so into everything she did it was wonderful.

Then this match came about and after spending most of the year feeling like Shayna could never lose that title, I could not think of a better successor to that throne. The Full Sail crowd were white-hot for this match and both competitors made sure to play up to it as much as possible. Shayna is one of the best heels in all of wrestling at the best of times, but when she’s got a crowd like this to play to her performance is transcendent.

The action was a lot of fun too, with both women going back and forth at such a nice pace and the overall flow of the match came together so nicely to form one of smoothest matches I’ve seen in quite a while. Like I’ve said though, what really made this match something worthy of this list was the atmosphere around it, this feeling that a champion who has seemed invincible for so long could finally have met her match created such a tense and exciting feeling to every moment of this match.

It all paid off too, with Ripley getting the win and taking her place at the top of NXT’s women’s division. The celebration after the match with all of the fans in the ring was a nice touch too and it elevated Ripley from a star to a mega-star as far as I’m concerned and I can’t wait to see where she goes from here.

6 – Adam Cole(c) vs Johnny Gargano – NXT Takeover: Toronto
(3 Stages of Hell)

Look, I know it wasn’t branded as 3 stages of hell, but that’s literally what the match was, so I’m sticking with it.

Gargano and Cole had arguably one of the best feuds of the year when it comes to match quality, so I don’t think it’ll surprise anyone when I say that there’s one more match between these two later on the list. This match was designed to be the climax of the feud, so it had a lot to live up to, especially when a large portion of the audience was getting a little bit tired of the feud by this point.

The key to what made this match so great was it’s pacing. In a heavily weapons-based match like this, it would’ve been so easy to go too big too soon and the whole thing would’ve fallen apart, but each stage of the match was filled with callbacks to earlier points in their feud and some great character work. You could feel the energy in the ring as both wrestlers knew they were more or less evenly matched and watching these two brilliant wrestlers trying to outthink each other was such a joy to watch.

The first two stages kept me on the jook just long enough so that by the time the ridiculous cage filled with weapons lowered, I was all in and hyped to see how things ended. From there onwards, things went crazy in just the right way, as each new weapon upped the intensity just enough to that it didn’t kill the pace, meaning I didn’t even notice the slightly slower action and spot set-ups, which are normally the main things that totally kill any weapons match for me.

It was a match that managed to capture all the elements of the Gargano/Cole feud that came before it while still adding to the story in its own right, making for an extremely satisfying conclusion to one of the best feuds of the year.

5 – Daniel Bryan(c) vs Kofi Kingston – Wrestlemania 35
(WWE Championship)

I’ve talked about the beginning, I’ve talked about the middle, now let’s talk about the end.

Personally, this was the match I was the most excited for going into Wrestlemania 35, with the fantastic build and quality of the wrestlers involved – not to mention the fact that I genuinely had no idea who was going to win – I just knew this one was going to be a killer match.

I’ve mentioned it once or twice already, but Daniel Bryan worked his ass off in this match to make Kofi look like the most worthy champion WWE’s ever seen. The two men gelled so well in the ring and it made for an extremely tense match, where Bryan was pulling out everything he could to keep Kofi grounded but Kofi kept pushing back and breaking free.

I was hooked on absolutely every near-fall, desperate to see Kofi win the title, despite the fact that I’m a die-hard Daniel Bryan fan. This was one of those matches where everything came together exactly how I’d hoped it would as all of the story elements came to a head in a technical masterpiece of a match that gave the saga of Kofi’s rise to the top the conclusion it absolutely needed.

I was on the edge of my seat all the way up until the final moment and the celebration after the match was over was perhaps the greatest feel-good moment of the entire year. No matter what happens to Kofi in the remaining years of his career, we’ll always have this moment to remind us that he’s absolutely one of the best of this era and he got his due in the end.

4 – Seth Rollins(c) vs AJ Styles – Money in the Bank
(Universal Championship)

With all of the problems Rollins has had this year, it’s easy to forget that he’s an incredible wrestler, so this match served as a wonderful reminder of that match.

As I talked about during my predictions for Money in the Bank, Seth Rollins vs AJ Styles was the one match that I’d desperately wanted ever since AJ first showed up in WWE and the two men had always managed to just miss each other whenever they came close to facing off. It’s safe to say I was very excited for this match and I was very happy with what I got.

There’s no special story or atmosphere to this match, the story going into it was basically non-existent, this match was just two of the best wrestlers doing some of the best wrestling. Both men were face at the time which meant they held nothing back in terms of speed & offence and that made for a match that was so much fun to watch from start to finish. Neither man stayed on offence for too long and the whole match just kept on rolling through at the kind of pace that I adore from my wrestling.

This was Rollins’ first title defence after winning it at Wrestlemania and it set the idea that this is exactly what his title reign was going to be full of. Unfortunately, he then faced Baron Corbin for 3 months straight, but let’s not focus on that. Let’s instead focus on the fact that one of my personal dream matches happened this year and it was everything I’d hoped it would be and more.

3 – Johnny Gargano(c) vs Adam Cole – NXT Takeover: XXV
(NXT Championship)

That’s right, my favourite match from this trilogy is the only normal singles match of the bunch, I’m sure that’s a real surprise.

While I do think the first encounter between these two at Takeover New York was brilliant, it had some pretty big pacing issues that ultimately meant it dropped off of the end of this list; this match, however, had no such issue.

Much like the previous match, the main reason I like it is very simple it’s just fast-paced pure wrestling from bell-to-bell. What elevated this above Rollins vs Styles though is that there was a substantial amount of story going into this match and with it being the mid-point of the feud, it was able to start taking their story in a new direction.

Cole knew that he and Gargano were equally matched, however, he also knew that getting the Undisputed Era involved only ruined things for him last time around. So instead he had to find a different way to out-think Gargano. This came in the form of Adam Cole seemingly doing what Gargano was expecting him to do and very obviously calling out the Undisputed Era to come and help him, only for it to turn out to be a bait and he stole the title from Gargano.

This was such a clever wrinkle to add to the story and one that saved Gargano for looking like a chump in losing to a guy he’d already beaten once before. Not only was it an excellent match but it allowed Adam Cole to win the NXT title in the most Adam Cole way possible and built the story and spectacle to its peak for their final encounter.

2 – WALTER(c) vs Tyler Bate – NXT UK Takeover: Cardiff
(United Kingdom Championship)

Forty-Two goddamned minutes of top-level wrestling. Amazing.

WWE has told the “David vs Goliath” story many, MANY times before, but I honestly don’t think it’s ever been done quite as well as it was in this match. After Tyler Bate lost the UK titles in 2017, I feel like the fanbase at large generally forgot about just how amazing of a wrestler he was. Thanks to the UK division’s relative lack of exposure for the better part of a year and a half, Tyler Bate seemed to be one of those performers who faded into the background slightly in favour of guys like Pete Dunne and Trent Seven.

Then he came out and had this match and reminded us all that he’s no-one to sleep on. Bate & WALTER have two very different styles but they were able to mesh them so perfectly here to create an epic-length match that never felt dull or like it dragged on at any point. The focal point being in Tyler Bate’s surprising level of strength in the face of a guy as huge as WALTER was such a great tone to set as it meant that myself and the crowd in attendance were on their feet for just about every spot where Bate looked to have hope of toppling WALTER.

WALTER got a chance to show his more brutal side here too, it’s no secret that his chops can cave a man’s ribcage in, but WOW those were some chops. The whole match flowed so perfectly for the whole length, which is something that absolutely blows my mind because it’s something we very rarely see in the modern era of wrestling.

As we’re about to discuss at even greater length, UK wrestling is better than it’s ever been this year and I would’ve loved to see this match in person, however, I was somewhere else that night…

Non-WWE Match of the Year:
Kazuchika Okada(c) vs Minoru Suzuki – NJPW Royal Quest
(IWGP Heavyweight Championship)

I’ve only been to a handful of wrestling shows in my life, but this is easily the best match I’ve ever seen live.

These two men had all the great chemistry you’d expect them to have and those feelings were amplified by the fact that I was watching from about 10 feet away from the ring in the 4th row. I’ve believed for a long time that Okada is the best in-ring storyteller in the business and I think that was absolutely on full display during this match because the two men in this match clearly identified who the crowd was siding with and played into it perfectly.

I’ve never felt more on the edge of my seat than when Suzuki kept almost getting the Piledriver off, I was able to entirely suspend my disbelief for 20 minutes and think that maybe I really was going to see Suzuki win the title right before my eyes. I’m well aware that from a pure wrestling standpoint there were plenty of better matches out there this year (Kenny Omega vs Hiroshi Tanahashi at Wrestle Kingdom 13 and Cody vs Dustin at All Out, come to mind) but nothing from this year is going to beat that amazing feeling of seeing that match happen right before my eyes.

1 – Pete Dunne(c) vs WALTER – NXT Takeover: New York
(United Kingdom Championship)

I’m telling you guys, UK wrestling was REALLY good this year.

From a technical standpoint, I’d put this match on par with WALTER vs Tyler Bate, however, the reason I’m ranking this match higher is because it opened my eyes to a style of wrestling that I previously didn’t care very much for. I’ve never been a fan of the “mat-based” style of wrestling, I’ve always thought it was quite slow, with not much happening of great interest to me. This match proved that I was an idiot for thinking that because slower, mat-based offence can be just as good as anything else that I love from wrestling

I’ve gotten so used to be being enthralled by the flashy, fast-paced style of wrestling that I didn’t realise how a slow, hard-hitting affair could be as good but the way this match played out not only gave me an enjoyable ride but gave me an understanding of what makes it so great. It built slowly, the whole way through, the whole match felt like it was this gruelling back-and-forth fight where neither man was going to let up for a second as they kept hitting each other as hard as humanly possible.

Dunne and WALTER took all of the classic, traditional tropes of these kinds of matches: Constant lock-ups, the test of strength, a big guy beatdown before the small guy comeback; and they executed all of them to perfection. They had me at home and the audience in attendance hanging on every single move, to the point where I heard several gasps from the live crowd when Dunne would suddenly have a burst of offence against the bigger WALTER.

All of this made it so that when the big spot finally came at the end, it felt like a huge deal and it just highlights the fact that throughout the whole match, ever move mattered and every move had an impact.

Not only was this match a technical masterpiece from bell to bell, but it opened my eyes to a style of wrestling that I’d never been able to appreciate before, which is why I think it’s the best of what WWE had to offer in 2019.

So there you have it! Those were my favourite WWE matches (and one from outside WWE) that took place in 2019. Thank you very much for taking the time to read this article, please let me know what some of your favourite matches from this past year were in the comments below or on Twitter @10ryawoo. Finally, make sure you come back on Tuesday where I’ll be ending the year with my Game of the Year list for 2019!