Year: 2020

Every Fire Emblem: Three Houses Student Ranked

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As I mentioned in my Game of the Year post a few weeks ago, I’ve played through Fire Emblem: Three Houses a total of 4 times, covering all 4 possible routes for the game. Naturally, throughout all of this time, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to spend an extended period of time getting to know all of the students that are enrolled in the Officer’s Academy.

In a game with such a huge variety of bright and colourful personalities, it was inevitable that I was going to end up liking some a lot more than others, so I thought it’d be a fun idea to rank each of the students from my least to most favourite while taking the opportunity to discuss their characters and development arcs over the course of the game.

Just to be clear, I am only including the students enrolled in one of the three major houses at the start of the game. I’m not including the members of the church because this list is going to be long enough as it is.

SPOILER WARNING

As I’m discussing the characters, I will be referring to major events in all four story routes to give context, as well as each character’s personal developments in things like support scenes and endings so there will be full story spoilers for both the base game and some DLC elements throughout this list. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

24 – Leonie Pinelli

The simple fact of the matter is, Leonie and I just don’t get on.

For one thing, she’s rather obnoxious about the fact that she’s Captain Jeralt’s greatest apprentice and seems to take every opportunity to rub everything in my face. On top of that, she seems to be trying to force a rivalry between her and I that I honestly don’t give even the slightest of shits about. She’s so single-minded when it comes to her training that whenever people do something fun, like have a fishing tournament just to take a break from the horrors of war, she goes off on one about how she’s the only one taking this seriously.

What really ticked me off about her though, was her support scenes with Byleth. Her having a go at me for “not appreciating” having Jeralt as my father would be bad enough at the best of times but I happened to get that scene RIGHT AFTER HE DIED which made her seem like less of an obnoxious brat and more of a total arsehole.

Even though she does eventually chill out and become a more tolerable person, the damage was done and my hatred of her was already set in stone.

23 – Lorenz Hellman Gloucester

Lorenz is a slightly odd one because although he does have many moments in his support scenes that make me smile or laugh, it’s mostly when he’s the butt of the joke, and I can’t say I can blame the people making them.

At the start of the game, he seems downright hostile to just about everyone. Even though it’s not his intention, the way he talks about the duties of the nobility and how they treat commoners is something that inherently rubs people the wrong way, myself included. Even when he’s being someone more pleasant, for example in his scenes with Ferdinand, he’s still not someone I’d ever want to spend much time with.

As he develops, his position does soften and he actually becomes a very admirable person in the end. That said, during the Verdant Wind story, he remains very resistant to many of the changes that someone like Claude looks to bring to Fodlan, even when everyone else is against him. He seemed to be treated a lot like someone who was there to bring a negative viewpoint to whatever plan Claude or Byleth came up with.

He never actively pissed me off like Leonie did, but he’s still someone I’d rather not hang out with.

22 – Hubert von Vestra

Given that pretty much the first encounter I had with him, he threatened to kill me, there was only so far our relationship could go.

I wasn’t entirely sure he could be all that interesting of a character when his one and only motivation seemed to be “Lady Eledgard”, but watching him interact with all of the other Black Eagle members, he actually ends up having a nice level of depth. What drags him down is the fact that the depth he has very rarely gets to show, as he generally only seems to stand around and backup whatever plan Byleth or Edelgard come up with.

While his motivations for doing so might be paper-thin, I like the way in which he tries to bring out the best in all of his allies. Although he’s someone I might not enjoy spending time with, it’s hard to deny that he’s an absolutely invaluable asset and master strategist for the Adrestian Empire, so he can’t be all that bad, can he?

21 – Caspar von Bergliez

I go back and forth on Caspar a lot.

His sense of justice is undeniable and the energy with which he denounces those who do wrong by him is almost inspiring. However, he has an annoying combination of both naivete and hotheadedness that ends up annoying me a lot of time when I really just want him to listen to what people are telling him.

I know some people will likely find it endearing, but his constant obsession with competition and fighting gets on my nerves more than anything else and it usually causes pain or annoyance for those around him (except Hilda, who can’t seem to get enough of his shit). That said, I can’t fault him in terms of his morality or outlook on life, even when he causes trouble, his heart is always in the right place and that can’t be understated.

20 – Annette Fantine Dominic

Annette seems to me like she’d be the type of friend that I’d like to hang out with in a big group, but I wouldn’t want to spend much one-on-one time with her.

The way she overworks herself is admittedly endearing, but given how little she listens to anyone else when they tell her she’s overworking herself, I imagine it’d get rather frustrating to constantly be watching over her. Speaking of, she’s unbelievably clumsy and, again, even though the way in which she deals with it is undeniably charming, it’d still be quite the hassle to deal with.

She’s not without her good qualities though, as her cheerful demeanour is sure to brighten anyone’s day and it’s admirable how staunchly loyal she is to her friends. It’s also occurred to me that she’s a hardworking student of the school of sorcery, which makes her Hermione Granger, which is a plus.

19 – Sylvain Jose Gautier

Sylvain is one of those people that’s quite hard to like when you first meet him, but he grows on you the more time you spend with him.

Much like Lorenz, he finds himself the butt of the joke more often than not as his constant womanizing rarely yields success. Outside of that particular past-time of his, I always get the sense that he holds extremely strong friendships and always looks to do right by them. Probably one of my favourite backstories is the childhood friendship between Felix, Ingrid, Sylvain & Dimitri and whenever Sylvain is interacting with any of those characters the “big brother” role he’s said to take shines through.

As nice as that is, it doesn’t entirely take away from some of his more negative traits as he can often be quite rash and stupid in his attempts to woo women, it’s hard to not let that grate after seeing it happen so many times. Sylvain is someone that I grew to like, but things didn’t start out too well for him.

18 – Raphael Kirsten

Raphael is absolutely one of the biggest sweethearts in the whole game. He’s always bright and cheerful, never letting anything that anyone says get to him, unfortunately, that’s somewhat of the problem that I have with him.

I absolutely love the positive vibes he gives off wherever he goes, always happy to help people out and never thinking twice about grudges or things that could get him down. The problem is, this means there’s not a great deal of depth to him as a character. If he’s not talking about eating or training, then he’s talking about his little sister and that’s more or less it, I know a lot of these characters don’t have tonnes of depth, simply by virtue of how many there are, but Raphael seems especially underdeveloped.

The reason he’s not lower down the list though, is because the few personality notes he does have are a joy to be around. Maybe listening to him talk about his sister all the time would get a bit irritating after a while, but if I was feeling down and wanted a pick-me-up, Raphael would most certainly be the person I’d go to.

17 – Ferdinand von Aegir

Ferdinand is perhaps the definition of a “middle of the road” character to me.

He’s nice…but that’s about it. His competition with Edelgard and his self-esteem surrounding it had the potential to be a very interesting thread, but it wasn’t pushed on nearly enough to become a real point of interest to his character. The way he treats his nobility is very different from most other noble students and I like the attitude he takes when people like Dorothea dislike him because of his status.

Like I said though, the problem is that those aspects aren’t developed in an interesting way to make him interesting as a character. I like Ferdinand, he’s got a positive attitude and is friendly to almost everyone, but that’s all there is to him.

16 – Ignatz Victor

He just wants to paint and I say let him.

Ignatz’s timid nature is something that’s inherently endearing to me and watching him interact with the other members of the academy, and those of Golden Deer in particular always brings a sweet smile to my face. He’s got a real conflict going on inside of himself about what to do with his future, not wanting to let his family down, but also knowing that the life of a knight isn’t really for him.

The way he does his best to avoid upsetting anyone makes it all the more heartwarming when just about everyone he meets responds with only kindness and positivity, especially considering he doesn’t entirely know how to process it. When he’s allowed to express his true passions, the energy that flows out of him is so joyous that I couldn’t be happier he became a painter in the end.

15 – Mercedes von Martritz

Much like Ferdinand, I think Mercedes is pretty middling in terms of how I feel about them, the difference between the two is that Mercedes got herself a little bit of extra story thanks to the game’s DLC.

I find Mercedes’ general demeanour and attitude to be quite charming most of the time. She always endeavours to be as nice as possible but also isn’t afraid to stick up for herself from time to time. Her friendship with Annette is an interesting case because while it’s nice to see characters actually have a tangible arc in their support scenes together, it does strike as a bit odd that they didn’t make up for five years after what was – let’s be honest – a very minor falling out.

The game’s DLC is where she really comes to her own though, as it adds her relationship with Emile/Jeritza/The Death Knight into the stories and added a layer of interest to her character. She always had this vague sense of motherliness to her, but seeing her get to either care for or fight against her little brother is where she finally breaks from her “will of the Goddess” motif and looks to make her own decisions. If you take any route other than Crimson Flower, then it doesn’t come up all that much but it’s still a huge aspect to her character that fundamentally challenges her beliefs, which is something a lot of the other characters don’t have to go through.

14 – Dorothea Arnault

Dorothea has always stuck out to me in Black Eagles house, being the only one not of Noble/Royal descent in the house makes her position quite strange and this shows when she’s interacting with the other students. Her deep-rooted hatred of the nobility sometimes lets her get in her own way, shutting out people like Ferdinand who just want to be her friend and she seems to almost always be on her guard around her other house members.

All the while, she has to deal with an inferiority complex that pushes her to be constantly putting on a performance to the world around her just so she can find someone who will accept her. It’s really quite a tragic story when you think about it and yet, aside from the occasional moment of weakness, Dorothea doesn’t let it drag on her, she is still able to largely be herself and make friends and seems to be having a nice time of it in the Academy.

She’s someone who pushes forward and succeeds in spite of herself to a certain degree and it gives her that nice layer of complexity that draws me in.

13 – Linhardt von Hevring

Linhardt’s an odd case because he has many traits that you’d expect would lead him down a road of uselessness, but somehow, someway he makes it work for himself.

When I first interacted with him, he seemed like an arrogant prick, to put it plainly, but having seen all of his support scenes, it’s clear that he has a strange sense of humility to him that only very rarely comes out in his interactions with others. He’s someone who always puts his research first and has a clear attitude of only doing things that he gets enjoyment from.

Even though these principals can lead him to be rather callous when it comes to interacting with other people, on the occasions where he puts it all aside, we’re left with someone who’s a very nice person who clearly enjoys being around certain people, even if he can’t quite express it. He’s also someone who always pushes his friends to be better, even if his method does involve heavily criticising their abilities.

All of this is encapsulated by how clearly he dispises battling. There’s only so deep you can go with that thread as he has to battle for story reasons, but I think it’s a neat twist to have on a character and it fits in perfectly with Linhardt’s academic nature.

12 – Ashe  Ubert

On the surface, Ashe is just your typical kind person, who’s just happy to help and fights for justice, but it wasn’t until much later that I realised he’s got much deeper layers than just that.

Ashe has the unique position of having experienced a life living in poverty and in a Noble household, being taken in by Lord Lonato at the age of 10. It’s given him a sense of humility that never breaks no matter what he’s faced with and he does his best to pass on all the kindness that was shown to him. In a game that treats thieves and bandits as faceless good-for-nothings that you just cut your way through, Ashe provides that desperately needed perspective of thinking about how they got to that position in the first place.

In a world where so many crimes are instantly punished with force, Ashe pushes the perspective of trying to help and reform these people so that they don’t do it again, often putting him at odds with his classmates. He’s got a sense of purity and innocence through the way he dreams of being a valiant knight that fights for justice, but he also isn’t clouded by naivete, he knows the horrible reality of war and how no knight is truly valiant, but he doesn’t care and he strives for it anyway because he believes he can do it.

Ashe goes so much deeper than just a kind person because he’s remained a kind person despite having suffered tragedy and trauma that would turn lesser men into spiteful shells of themselves, which is what makes him a true hero.

11 – Lysithea von Ordelia

For my money, Lysithea is undoubtedly the most tragic person at the academy.

From a personality perspective, she works as hard as she possibly can in order to prove herself. The way in which she gets annoyed at anyone who claims she has a “natural talent” just goes to show how deeply she values her work and desires to prove herself to everyone around her.

What really draws me to Lysithea though is the inherent tragedy within her and the potential it has to create some truly heartwarming moments. Her shortened lifespan is something that clearly weighs heavy on her and I always have a deep feeling of sorrow when I think about the kind of life she’s led up until coming to the Academy. Her endings always enhance this feeling, her endings where she lives out a happy, but short life are always touchingly bittersweet and the ones where she is cured and lives out a long and fruitful life bring a warmth to my heart.

In every interaction, it’s clear she still tries her best to get enjoyment out of the time she has, even if it does sometimes lead to her coming across as short-tempered or dismissive of people. Her serious nature only makes the moments when she lets the facade drop and indulges herself in sweets or fun in general, all the more adorable.

10 – Ingrid Brandl Galatea

I find Ingrid to be a very interesting character, she’s got one of the better backstories and it’s utilized to great potential throughout all of her support scenes.

She provides a different perspective on the nobility, making us realise that just because someone is of a noble family, it doesn’t mean they’re set for life from the moment of their birth. Coming from a poor noble family, it adds an extra layer of depth to the story of deliberating between marriage and her desire to become a knight.

Normally, in a story like that, it always seems to easy to turn around and say “you don’t need no man” and that’s it, but in the world of Three Houses, I can actually fully understand why this would be such a tough decision for her. Being a knight is what she wants to do with her life, not only for herself but to honour her late fiance, though at the same time, marrying into a richer family means that her father will have a much more secure life and her potential children would never have to go through what she’s had to. Her support scenes with Seteth in particular, see her explore both sides of this debate in detail and her attitude in the way she goes about it is so interesting to see.

Outside of that aspect to her character, she’s your typical no-nonsense, empowered female character, which is something that I normally don’t care much for, but it works when put in contrast to the other aspects of her character. I’m not entirely sure if I’d like to actually spend much time with her – which is why she’s not higher – but as a character with a story, she’s very well-written.

9 – Felix Hugo Fraldarius

To put it simply, Felix is a dick, so why’s he so high up the list?

Well, partly because I’m a sucker for the cold-hearted lone-wolf type, but also because he’s not horrible to anyone without reason. Like so many of the other students, he has suffered his fair share of tragedy, with his brother dying in the tragedy of Duscur and his father’s subsequent response to hearing this news. It sounds odd, but I honestly think I’d feel the same way if my brother was needlessly massacred and someone turned around and told me he died in “glorious service to his king”.

Felix isn’t afraid to make his feelings on anything known and has the resolve to stand up and argue for those beliefs as well. I’ll get more into Dimitri’s story later, but Felix is a huge part of it, not just because of their childhood friendship, but because Felix was the first person to see the darker, monstrous side to Dimitri and refuses to let Dimitri forget it.

That’s not all there is to Felix though, he as that small aspect of being absolutely adorable from time to time when he’s talking to someone like Bernadetta or Sylvain, letting that cold-hearted demeanour slip for just a moment and show how much he truly cares for his friends, even if he has a funny way of showing it.

8 – Marianne von Edmund

I just want to hug her and tell her it’ll be ok.

When I first met Marianne, I was sure she’d be the one I’d end up falling for over the course of the game and while that didn’t happen, I’m certainly very fond of her. While the tragedies of her past aren’t necessarily the worst out of everyone in the Officer’s Academy, she’s definitely been more deeply affected on an emotional level than anyone else.

Convinced her meer existence is a curse on everyone in her life, she’s someone who can be quite hard to really get to know. With many of the other more timid characters, they tend to find an immediate comfort with Byleth, but that isn’t the case with Marianne. Everything about how she’s presented screams that there’s something much greater behind her pessimistic demeanour, but getting to it requires some work.

That only serves to make it all the more gratifying when she is finally able to let go of her worries for a moment and properly connect with someone like Ferdinand or Dimitri. Although she doesn’t smile very often, when she does, the complete transformation in her personality to someone flowing with joy and contentedness is something that is sure to lighten anyone’s mood.

Although her journey as a character isn’t as clear cut as many of the other students, it’s obvious how huge of a deal the steps she takes are to her. After holding onto the burden of a curse for so long, it becomes so clear how deeply she changes when she finally lets it go and can just learn to enjoy the life she’s been given.

7 – Edelgard von Hresvelg

Those Who Slither In The Dark notwithstanding, in Three Houses there are no real “bad guys”, all of the leader characters are shades of grey from a moral perspective (except Claude, who’s pure as pure can be) but Edelgard is definitely the one that I find myself aligning with the least.

Looking at the land of Fodlan, it’s clear that her ultimate goal of abolishing the idea of the nobility & crests and putting everyone on a level footing, regardless of their surname, is a good one and an ideal that I fully support. What I don’t support, are her methods. Declaring a war, aligning herself with Those Who Slither In The Dark and causing five years of bloodshed just to achieve this goal was absolutely not the way to go about it.

However, that’s not to say I don’t understand why she felt it was the only way. Going through the experiments that she did as a child and watching all of her siblings being slaughtered in the process instilled this deep hatred within her, to the point that she’s clearly been blinded by that hatred and she wasn’t helped by surrounding herself with people who don’t dare disagree with her. She’s not just a conquering warlord though, it’s clear that so many of her beliefs and tendencies – such as always staying as formal as possible, or her sheer ambition – come from a place of deep insecurity, which is clear as day whenever she lets her facade drop and speaks honestly to people.

When I look at Edelgard it makes me feel sad, she seems to me like someone who could’ve been the kindest and most respected person in the world if things had gone just a little bit differently, but the circumstances of her upbringing drew her down a path that forced her into a position where some of the more negative qualities dictated her decision making.

I don’t hate Edelgard, I just wish things had gone differently.

6 – Dedue Molinaro

Dedue is a victim of circumstance, but you wouldn’t know it from talking to him.

After the people of Duscur – his people – were blamed for the death of the King of Faerghus, Dedue has had to live with blatant racism to his face every day. Even those in the Officer’s Academy who I think are fundamentally good people, like Ingrid, can’t help but let their hatred for Dedue and his people show at almost all times. What makes Dedue such a wonderful person, is that he doesn’t let any of it phase him for even a second.

Dedue has resigned himself to a life as an outcast until one man, Dimitri, put their faith in him and he’s made sure to dedicate his life to doing whatever’s best for them at all times. He understands what his lot in life is likely to end up being and he doesn’t mind, he lets people show him hatred and shows them nothing but kindness in return. He doesn’t care what kind of horrible names they’re calling him, they’re his allies and Dimitri’s allies, so he’s going to show them kindness and do what’s best for them no matter what.

That’s what I admire most about Dedue, in his situation, it would’ve been easy for him to become a person driven by hatred, getting worked up by Faerghus’ disdain for him and his people until he has no choice but to either lash out or shut himself away, but he didn’t let that happen. Instead, he dedicated his life to his friends and allies regardless of what they think of him and do his best to make everyone else’s lives better; and that makes him perhaps the most admirable person of all.

5 – Hilda Valentine Goneril

If I actually met someone like Hilda and had to work with them in real life, I’d almost certainly find them immensely annoying, but watching her go about her business in the Academy is so endearing to me that I can’t help but love interacting with her.

I’m always entertained by watching the clever and sneaky ways in which she is able to sneak her way out of doing work, especially when it’s at Ferdinand’s expense; like I said, if I actually had to work with her, it’d be horrible, but at the same time, I wish I had her ability for shirking responsibility. She can come across as spoiled at times, but when you break past her outward demeanour, it becomes clear that it’s something deeper than that. It may not be identified as such, but the way in which she admires her brother and everything he’s accomplished, it’s clear she has some form of Imposter Syndrome, where she feels she can never live up to her brother’s achievements, so doesn’t try for fear of disappointment.

What she exceeds at though, is getting people to rally behind her. Whether it’s raising an army’s morale or getting someone to make her some tea, she’s got unparalleled charisma that easily charms anyone she talks to, myself included. On top of that, when she really needs to she’ll happily put the effort in to help others, even if she spends the next week moaning about it.

4 – Petra Macneary

Alright, I’ll admit, Petra being this far up the list is the absolute peak of personal preference, but my list, my rules.

Petra holds that role of the strong female character, without conforming too much to the generic stereotype associated it. She’s a victim of circumstance, being moved to the Empire as a hostage in order to keep her homeland of Brigid in line. Much like Dedue, she could’ve let this ingrain a fierce hatred in her but doesn’t let it, however, instead of accepting her lot in life like Dedue, she uses it as motivation to work hard, become stronger and find a way to change the status quo, be that through diplomacy or war. It’s no mere coincidence that in literally all of her endings, she succeeds in improving the diplomatic ties between Fodlan & Brigid (and sometimes, even Dagda).

Petra is able to have pride for her homeland and wear those aspects of herself on her sleeve, without feeling the need to be constantly in your face about it. She doesn’t constantly try and hold it over her classmates with some aura of superiority and is instead very accepting of all in the hope that they will treat her the same.  From the clothes she wears to the marks on her skin and the way she talks it’s clear that she values her heritage and uses them to serve as people’s reminders of that fact, instead of constantly reminding them and shoving it down their throats, as she mostly only talks about Brigid when asked.

Aside from that, she’s an exceedingly kind person. She does her best to greet everyone as an ally and trusts them until they give her reason not to, even with a situation like Caspar where his family is directly responsible for her father’s death. Her determination to study and increase her strength extends to everyone around her, creating this extremely positive atmosphere that makes every conversation a more pleasant one.

3 – Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd

While the Blue Lion’s route isn’t my favourite in the game, I think it’s definitely the most well-written and a huge part of that is Dimitri as a character.

When it comes to first impressions, I didn’t think much of Dimitri, he seemed to be your typical “honourable king” that always dresses proper and says the right thing as his head goes further and further up his own arse. After playing through the Blue Lions route, I realised this is very much NOT the case. One of the biggest unexplored events in the backstory of Three Houses is the tragedy of Duscur as the consequences of it ripple throughout pretty much every aspect of the game and Dimitri is the personification of almost all of those consequences.

Looking back at how Dimitri acts throughout the bulk of the academy phase, it’s clear that he’s someone who tries desperately every day to suppress the rage and madness that lives within him because the weight of his losses would be too much to bear. Then the war phase begins and we get to see what all of that suppressed emotion looks like when it comes out. The way Dimitri goes from a kind and conservative prince to a truly broken man who’s only desire is to kill endlessly until he is killed is one of the saddest things to watch in the whole game.

The story didn’t end there though, as Rodrigue’s death eventually snaps him out of this state as he realises that pointlessly murdering and gunning for revenge isn’t going to do him any good. Not only that but it shows how much he’s grown since the tragedy of Duscur because instead of using the death of a loved one to lash out at others, he uses Rodrigue’s death as an opportunity to look inwards and realise that despite what he’s convinced himself, there might be some other way to redeem himself that isn’t dying in battle. A thread that is capped off perfectly when he finally has Edelgard – the one person he’s sworn to kill time and time again – kneeling before him and he lowers his weapon and outstretches his hand.

Dimitri is a tortured soul who could’ve easily turned into a heartless monster and become a true villain in the game, but instead, he was able to take just one moment to look inwards and started a really heartwarming redemption story that puts a true reflection on the “shades of grey” aspect to all of the main character’s morality, focusing in on the personal conflict between the characters, instead of the wider conflict between ideologies that the other routes do.

2 – Claude von Riegan

Claude is just pure and good and everything that’s right with the world.

I alluded to it in the previous entry, but here I can say that the Golden Deer route was absolutely my favourite and that’s largely thanks to Claude. Unlike the other two house leaders, whom I grew to like once getting to know them better, I instantly took a liking to Claude. Not only does his attitude stand in stark contrast to the formalities and nobility of the other two, but it was clear from the start he had an extremely keen mind; plus he uses a bow, which makes him cooler by default.

What really makes me love Claude so much is his drive to always do good by as many people as he can, but he doesn’t do it because “it’s a noble’s duty” or “for the good of the world” he does it because he believes that it is truly the right thing to do and he will stand by his convictions to the death. Despite having the tactical genius to wipe out armies with barely any effort, he instead focuses his tactics on extinguishing as few lives as possible. On top of that, I align with his idealistic goal of tearing down the borders and unifying the world more than I do any of the other leader’s goals.

His attitude is always upbeat and cheery, but he also doesn’t let anything get by him and while he may seem like he trusts easily, it becomes clear that it isn’t the case the more time you spend with him. He clocks onto the fact that The Church of Seiros is hiding something a lot quicker than anyone else and is even able to deduce Flayn & Seteth’s true identity, something that no-one else is able to figure out.

When he’s not fighting a war, Claude is an absolute joy to be around, doing everything in his power to keep spirits up, but when it’s time for business, his tactical ability and dedication to his cause is unmatched, making him – in my view at least – the most capable leader in the whole game and one truely deserving of achieving his ideals.

1 – Bernadetta von Varley

Look, sometimes you fall in love with the weirdo, that’s just how it goes.

Sure, Bernadetta doesn’t have some big sweeping story arc or any major role to play in Fodlan, but when it comes to “ticking all my boxes”, no-one comes as close as this timid, nerdy recluse. She’s not nerdy in the modern sense, but she spends so much of her time by herself writing stories and doing drawings for those stories along with many other activities of that nature; which are the kind of things that I imagine would constitute “nerdiness” in that kind of world.

While her extremely timid nature invokes the instinct to protect and nurture, it becomes clear pretty quickly that’s actually not the case and she’s absolutely capable of protecting herself both on and off the battlefield. That said, I still find it totally adorable when she goes off on one about the joys of solitude and how she’d love to just stay in her room all the time (or slightly less adorable, her love for carnivorous plants). Her creative spark is something inspires me and I find it difficult to contain myself when she grows the confidence to let that creativity shine in front of people like Seteth and Linhardt because it’s so clear how much she cares about her creations and is overjoyed that – despite her expectations – people love them. I think you’re starting to see why I relate to her so much now, aren’t you?

It’s not all cuteness and hugs though and she just wouldn’t be a Three Houses character without a whole heap of tragedy in her past. I’ve talked a bit before about how emotional some of the other character’s backstories made me, but the only one that ever actually got a tear rolling down my cheek was when Bernie opened up and talked about her abusive father, which it lends all the more heartbreak to the moments where she clearly wants to be different, but can’t make herself do it.

Bernadetta just has a bit of everything that I like, her sensitive personality, her overwhelming joy (on the occasions she allows it to flourish), her major creative streak and even the fact she has purple hair all drew me in instantly, to the point where I just couldn’t help but fall for her as a character, because she embodies the best of what Fire Emblem: Three Houses has to offer.

So there’s my list! Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, please let me know what your thoughts are, either in the comments below or on Twitter @10ryawoo! Once again, a massive thank you to Nat (@Natalichoco on Twitter, @nataliachoco.bear on Instagram) for the wonderful header art to this post.

Finally, make sure you come back next week, where it’s Royal Rumble time!

Best Talkers in WWE Today

As anyone who knows anything about pro-wrestling will likely tell you, knowing how to do wrestling moves is only half of what makes a great wrestler. The other half, of course, is your talking ability. It’s all well and good being able to wow crowds with the moves you can perform, but it’s your words that will put the crowd in the arena to begin with.

It’s hard to deny that almost every wrestler in WWE right now has a decent level of promo ability, you don’t get to work for the biggest wrestling promotion in the world without being good at what you do after all. However, there are a select few among the current crop of WWE wrestlers who are able to go above and beyond when it comes to the stories they weave outside of the ring. Be it hype and excitement or a deep level of intensity, there’s something about the way these wrestlers talk their way through situations that instil a much higher level of investment in their audience.

Quick note, I’m only counting wrestlers that currently active in WWE, so that means no managers and no part-timers.

9 – The Usos

The Usos are a very interesting case study in WWE because they’ve been in the WWE for almost ten years now and if you look through their career, it’s extremely obvious that they’ve grown a huge amount as performers. People first got behind them around 2014, but as pure babyfaces, their popularity didn’t last long and they quickly grew stale.

After floating around not doing much of note for about a year, they came back in full force with this brand new energy that got behind everything they did, most of all their promos. Their run as heels was a brilliant move for them because they got to take that over-hyped style of their promos and add an edge to them that made them seem intense instead of cheesy. Now their constant trading lines and random yelling instead added to the fact that these guys were always ready to throw down with anyone and could usually back up their words with actions.

Naturally, the crowd got behind them again after this and it wasn’t long before they were forced to return to their role as faces, but instead of going back to the cheesy, super happy style of promos, they kept their edge but added an extra dash of hype which meant that they were actually successful at getting the crowd behind them in whatever fight they were going for. The Usos would be classified as great talkers regardless of their history, but seeing them develop so much over the years really adds to the effect of what they’re able to do with their words now.

8 – Alexa Bliss

When Alexa Bliss first made her way to the main roster from NXT, I wasn’t sure if she was going to make much of splash. As much as I personally thought she was great, I could easily see her sliding down the path that someone like Mandy Rose has, where she’s always around, but very rarely the focus. Sitting here in 2019 it’s very obvious that those fears weren’t realistic in the least because she’s arguably second only to Charlotte Flair in terms of her longevity at the forefront of WWE’s women’s division and the biggest factor in that rise is inarguably her promo skills.

Bliss is able to inject this unrivalled level of bitchy attitude in absolutely everything she says that makes her so much fun to hate. Whether she’s being passive-aggressive or straight-up insulting she’s able to produce the exact right inflictions and attitudes in her voice that bring that level of pure hate out of you. To a certain extent, it doesn’t even matter what it is she’s actually saying because the way she said it is perfect for making you want to see someone kick the crap out of her.

Over the past 6 months or so, she’s been doing surprisingly well adjusting that attitude to a more face style of promo by virtue of her association with Nikki Cross. Although she’s not the best at getting the crowd behind her, what she is great at is using her attitude in defence of herself and Nikki to create some really good insults when she gets a chance to fire back at someone. I wouldn’t have expected her style of promo to adapt to a babyface as well as it has in all honesty, but that should speak to Alexa’s skill as a talker.

7 – Samoa Joe

Joe is one of those guys that’s seemingly able to flip a switch when he’s talking and instantly transition from calm and threatening to unbridled wrath and back again in such a seamless manner you barely notice what he’s done, all you know is that you’re terrified by whatever he just said.

His physique as always given him this intimidating presence and he can warp his face to be extremely threatening when he wants to, but it’s his words that make you feel like he’s slowly sliding a knife into your chest. There’s something about the way he’ll calmly explain exactly what it is he’s going to do to his opponents that makes him so terrifying to listen to because you honestly believe that he’s going to do whatever it is he says he will, one of my favourite promos of his was one he cut on Paul Heyman in the build to his match against Brock Lesnar, when he just cornered Heyman and spoke in that “nice, but actually threatening” way as he explained what he was about to do to Heyman.

Then there’s the other side of his promos where he’ll suddenly flip that switch and go ballistic. The eerie calmness serves to make the moments where he totally loses it and bellows his lines right in his opponent’s face all the more shocking and intense. Everything Samoa Joe says serves to make him feel like an absolute unstoppable monster, now if only we could get his booking to match…

6 – Elias

Elias undeniably has the most unique style on this list and it puts it to extremely effective use.

The singing thing seemed like it would get old fast when I first encountered it, but I didn’t count on Elias’ creativity when it came to making the gimmick last. He has the standard catchphrases that we all love, but every time he comes out to the ring to sing a song, there’s always going to be something new to it. He takes the classic heel trope of running down the town they’re doing the show in and turns it into an art form with the way he crafts the lyrics and picks some genuinely funny insults.

It never fails to get a reaction out of the crowd and it’s always a loud reaction too, I’ll never forget late 2018 when he and Kevin Owens got booed for literally 5 minutes solid after taking a dig at…well some American sports thing, as a Brit I didn’t really know what it meant, but the people in attendance that night certainly did. Even though this style is undoubtedly more suited towards a heel, he was still able to get some good mileage out of it as a face too, picking some particularly funny insults to sing at whatever heel he happened to be against that night.

The key thing about Elias is that no promo of his is ever boring, which is something that can’t be said for almost anyone else on this list. He has such a deep understanding of the attitude and demeanour he needs to convey at all times in order to make his songs and performances stick in the memory long after the show has ended.

5 – Kevin Owens

Kevin Owens’ promo style isn’t polished, it isn’t revolutionary and it lacks a lot of what we as fans would traditionally label as traits required for good promos. However, what Kevin Owens’ promos do have, are heaps of authenticity.

The slightly broken flow with which he speaks gives this feeling of someone who genuinely is coming up with his words on the spot (which he may very well be, for all I know) and the way he is able to control the intensity of his voice and turn it up and down almost by the word fills everything he says with emotion and meaning.

He’s always done great as an entitled, whiney heel with this style, but it wasn’t until he started cutting promos as a face that I realised what really made the way in which he talks so encapsulating. The way in which he rallied against Shane McMahon’s tyrannical reign or the way he’s currently leading the charge against Seth Rollins & AOP all give me this impression of a natural-born leader who fights for what he thinks is right and doesn’t give a damn who hates him for it. People aren’t just comparing him to Stone Cold because he started using the Stunner you know.

4 – The New Day

I’ve put The New Day in here as a group because although they are all brilliant talkers in their own right, it’s the way they talk as a group that makes them one of the best.

When The New Day first formed in WWE, no-one cared and no-one thought they were going to be anything more than another throwaway tag team that would be broken up by the end of the year. So what changed? What was it that made them one of the most popular WWE acts of the decade? While they’re wrestling ability undoubtedly had something to do with it, it was the way they talked that really turned heads.

It’s almost impossible to imagine The New Day as heels now but it was the absolutely hilarious way in which they would run down anyone and everyone around them that got them to a position where people just couldn’t boo them anymore. They are masters of playing off of the crowd. Be it to draw heat or garner support, The New Day have the kind of chemistry that can only come naturally in a team, allowing each of them to run with what the others are saying to the effect of both comedy and drama, making them arguably the best all-round tag team ever to form in WWE.

3 – The Miz

Given that The Miz’s first TV appearance for WWE featured him horrifically butchering a promo, it probably came as a surprise that he turned into one of the best talkers in the business today.

The Miz’s words are sharp and forceful in the way they’re delivered, he always knows exactly the right amount to labour a point and never trails off onto tangents about whatever the writer happened to be thinking about at the time. When he’s a heel (which is inarguably when he’s at his best) he has this amazing ability to layout an extremely well-structured and meaningful argument, but he says it in such a dickish way that you automatically find yourself disagreeing and booing out of hand.

We can’t talk about The Miz’s talking ability without bringing up his now, infamous promo on Talking Smack, where he ran down a then-retired Daniel Bryan and let so much genuine emotion bubble to the surface as he absolutely tore his detractors to shreds. That may have been the moment that The Miz started to turn heads with his promos, but the fact is, he’d been great years before that too. When he was partnered with John Morrison, he was able to bounce off of his partner and create some really funny, yet heelish stuff and as WWE Champion he garnered some real heat, which wasn’t as much “go away heat” as everyone says it was.

Although he was quite good in his recent feud with Bray Wyatt, for the most part, Miz has never been all that great as a face. Everything about his character screams “I deserve to be punched” and he knows exactly how to play up to it with extremely harsh words.

2 – Daniel Bryan

The guy more-or-less talked himself into the main event of Wrestlemania, I think that justifies this place on the list.

No-one in WWE for over a decade has been more popular with the fans than Daniel Bryan and although it would be dismissive of me to say it was entirely due to his abilities on the mic, it is certainly one of the most important factors. The way in which Daniel Bryan carefully creates these long and enthralling promos is absolutely inspirational to watch. No matter what it is he’s trying to say, he can find a way to get the crowd behind him on it and I honestly don’t think there’s anyone in WWE right now that can get a crowd so worked up with words alone.

Then 2018 rolled around and he turned heel, proving that not only could he get any crowd to cheer anything he said, he could also get all of them to boo just as hard. The vitriol with which he ran down every fan in existence was an absolute joy to watch, he was able to let his anger consume his entire building as he stared down the camera and called up all fickle. He was able to get crowds around the US to cheer about being wasteful and boo being ecologically friendly just because it was the opposite of what Bryan was preaching. That was what made it truly amazing is that he took an idea that the majority of fans agree with – recycling and protecting the planet – and presented it in such a way that we couldn’t help but boo and disagree with everything he said.

I’ve long said that Daniel Bryan is the best all-round wrestler in the world today and taking a critical look at his talking ability only furthers that claim. On any given day he can go out in front of any given crowd and get exactly the reaction he wants while being so immensely entertaining to watch, a skill that is arguably unmatched in the entire industry right now.

1 – Bray Wyatt

When it comes to sheer creativity, Wyatt is unmatched in this era and maybe all eras.

When Bray Wyatt first turned up in WWE it was like a breath of fresh air. WWE had tried plenty of “Undertaker-esque” gimmicks over the years, but they all fell flat on their face until Bray Wyatt came along. For one thing, the character didn’t just feel like an Undertaker rip-off, but something new, however, most importantly was Bray Wyatts ability to talk for ages about absolutely nothing while keeping his audience enthralled in his words.

Even when Wyatt’s shine had faded thanks to horrible booking, I still enjoyed listening to him craft his tales because the mannerisms and quirks in the speech patterns made it impossible to ignore. By all rights, the Bray Wyatt character should’ve been dead and buried after it’s treatment throughout 2017 and yet Wyatt turned it all around. He took those speech patterns and mannerisms and turned them into something genuinely unique, – which is such a rarity in modern WWE – in the form of the Firefly Fun House.

He can pull off the “jolly kids presenter” vibe so amazingly well with his over the top expressions, while still managing to throw in the hints of something being slightly…wrong. This makes it all the more terrifying when the facade fades away, as his face drops to a look of anger and his voice gets low and gravelly, even though I know it’s coming, it still gives me chills.

Even when all seemed lost for Bray Wyatt, he turned it around and used his sheer creative talent, alongside acting abilities that wouldn’t be out of place in Hollywood, to create a whole world that brought him back up to the very top of the mountain in WWE.

And that’s the list! Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, please let me know who you think are the best talkers in WWE right now, either in the comments below or on Twitter @10ryawoo. Finally, make sure you come back the same time next week where I’ll be ranking every student from Fire Emblem: Three Houses!

My All-Time Favourite Comedy Shows

I’ve never been someone who watches a great deal of TV, there are a handful of shows that I remain loyal to and will watch whenever a season of it is on but for the most part, TV serves as the background noise of my life, something to have on in the background while I play a game or I’m writing. However, the one genre of TV I find myself frequently enjoying is that of comedy.

There are plenty of Youtube Channels out there that make hilarious content that keeps me entertained, but there’s something about the production and style of TV that provides a level of laughs that I can’t find anywhere else and given that we’ve just gone through the Christmas period, where I’m at home and spend more time watching TV than usual, I thought it’d be fun to go through some of those shows today.

To be clear here, there are no rules in terms of what format the comedy show takes. Sitcoms, panel shows, sketch shows and all the rest are eligible for the list so long as they’re made for TV and are designed to make the audience laugh. So let’s take a look at the funniest of what the land of TV has to offer.

WARNING: EXTREME AMOUNTS OF BRITISHNESS INCOMING

10 – Mock the Week

Ran from: 2005 – Present
Channel: BBC Two
Starring: Dara O’Brien, Hugh Dennis & Various Comedians

I knew I wanted to get one example of the traditional British panel show on here and after running through a couple like Have I Got News for You? and QI I settled on Mock the Week purely because I think it’s the funniest.

Comedians taking the piss out of the news is more or less the backbone of the stand-up genre and Mock the Week took the format brought to the table by Have I Got News For You and revised it to allow for a much more constant stream of laughs. With each episode separated into fairly vague rounds, the format allows the 6 comedians they have on every show to run wild and make a huge variety of jokes on just about anything.

The news from the past week is generally the topic for the most part, but once the comedians finish firing off their quickfire jokes and they start discussing the topic, it’s almost guaranteed that they start to stray onto whatever topic comes into their heads. Then there are the stand-up rounds, where one of the comedians will be given any old topic like Family or Travel and have to do a 5 minute routine on it which gets in a great dose of stand-up comedy as they usually have a selection of the best current comedians on the show. Then there’s the final round of every show, for which the show is arguably the most famous, the “Scenes we’d like to see” round, where all of the participants are given a vague topic like “Unlikely things for a Doctor to say during a check-up” and everyone piles in and does a load of one-liners on the subject which is always hilarious to watch.

Dara O’Brien is a great host for the show, he seems to able to bounce off just about everything anyone says and has generally created some of the funniest moments in the show’s history to boot.

Mock the Week is the best example I can think of for a British panel show because it really does have a bit of everything, pair that with a brilliant host and the finest selection of comedians and you’ve got guaranteed hilarity.

9 – Red Dwarf

Ran from: 1988 – 1999, 2009 – Present
Channel: BBC Two (1988-1999), Dave (2009-Present)
Starring: Craig Charles, Chris Barrie, Danny John-Jules, Robert Llewellyn

Red Dwarf’s a bit of an odd one because it’s one of those shows that are absolutely unmatched when it’s at it’s best, but it spent a good while at a sub-par quality level which has dragged it down and caused it to be considered “overrated” in many circles.

It came about in an era where there was  A LOT of  Sci-fi, especially in the UK. Doctor Who was just about to close out its initial run and Star Trek was just as big in the UK as it was in the US, so this was a show that looked to come in and tear the genre apart; to point out all the ridiculous stuff and satirise it for all to see. It didn’t satirise it in the modern way though, which is to make it SO ridiculous and over the top that it stops being funny, but instead, it took these satirical ideas and framed them in a show that was able to stand on its own two legs as a decent sci-fi show in its own right.

It didn’t create massive worlds with tonnes of characters, but it was able to create a very cosy universe for itself and put just four very well-rounded characters in it and once that was set up, the comedy followed easily. With the exception of perhaps Kryten, you can’t really put any of the main characters into a box and specifically say that they’re a parody of another character from a different sci-fi show because the writers knew that was a style of comedy that couldn’t hold up for very long.

It’s hard to deny that around ’98-’99 the show took a dip in quality, but come 2012 when the first new series in over a decade aired, the show did something very few shows have ever been able to do before. It came back, just as good as it was in its hey-day. It wasn’t quite as good as it was at it’s best, but the recent series of Red Dwarf are just as well written and funny as they were during the original few series and that’s something that can’t be discounted when looking back at it.

Red Dwarf was a show that took a beloved genre and managed to rip the piss out of it, while still adding to it in the process, not once but twice and I’m absolutely thrilled that it’s still going.

8 – That Mitchell and Webb Look

Ran from: 2006-2010
Channel: BBC Two
Starring: David Mitchell, Robert Webb

Sketch comedy is a genre that’s never gone over all that well on TV, it’s a format that’s more suited to the theatre, or in the modern era, online platforms like Youtube. That doesn’t mean that a great sketch show has never been on TV though, and here’s an example of one.

I’ve always loved David Mitchell as a comedian, there’s something about his delivery style that gets me every time he delivers a joke (we’ll get into that a bit more later) and he’s a lot better than I thought he’d be at portraying the wide variety of caricatures that feature on a sketch show like this one. As for Robert Webb, I’m well aware he’s an acquired taste and I know many people that can’t stand him, but I think he’s hilarious. He has this “couldn’t give a shit” style of delivery that I adore, but he can also play over the top enthusiasm in a hilarious way too, which is fantastic for sketches like the obscure & pointless advert parodies.

As for the content of the sketches, there are so many brilliant recurring features that I could list. Just to name a few there’s: The Quiz Broadcast, Ted and Peter the former snooker players, Get Me Henimore and of course…That’s Numberwang! Even the one-off sketches are absolutely brilliantly written in the way they parody all aspects of British TV, it really is a great collection of sketches that I could watch endlessly.

7 – Futurama

Ran from: 1999-2013
Channel: FOX (1999-2003), Comedy Central (2008-2013)
Starring: Billy West, Katey Sagal, John DiMaggio

Futurama is a show that Matt Groening created just as his other show, The Simpsons, was starting to see it’s quality decline slowly but surely, which is why it’s almost surprising that Futurama ended up as good as it was. Futurama was a show that took the same style of comedy as The Simpsons and set it in a world where they could absolutely anything they wanted, it was like having a whole series of “Treehouse of Horror” episodes.

Much like Red Dwarf, it was able to identify so many sci-fi trends and find a way to repurpose them for the sake of comedy, with hilarious results. The way it presents Robots is great, where they’ve become advanced to the point where they act pretty much the same as humans allowed for a greater variety of both characters and stories as they explore the differences between the two which led to both comedy and heartfelt moments.

That’s what elevates a comedy show like this above so many other sitcoms, it wasn’t afraid to occasionally make you cry. There are plenty of moments in the show that grounds the whole thing in a very human reality – like Fry seeing his Mom in a dream or the tragedy of Seymore that only serves to enhance the ridiculousness of the lobster monsters and planets with stupid names.

I also don’t think it ever declined in quality all that much. It had the odd crap episode of course, but as far as I’m concerned, the final season in 2013 was on the same level of quality as the first one in 1999. This is thanks to the sheer scale of the show, it allowed the writers with any bat-shit stupid idea they had and make it work. You want Leela to write and film her own kids show, only for it to turn out she stole the idea from some aliens she found? Go for it. You want an hour-long epic where the characters get sucked into a game of D&D that then becomes a Lord of the Rings parody? Let’s get it made. You want to have an episode that’s just about Fry looking for a place to live? No problem, and we’ll make it one of the funniest episodes in show history.

Futurama was a show that was so incredibly creative when it came to its comedy and I honestly don’t think we’ve ever seen a show hit its stride quite like it before or since.

6 – Dave Gorman’s Modern Life is Goodish

Ran from: 2013 – 2017
Channel: Dave
Starring: Dave Gorman

I know, it’s a show about a man called Dave on a channel called Dave, UK TV is weird sometimes.

This is a rare example of what is essentially a series of stand-up shows becoming a serialised TV show, entirely featuring a single comedian, but luckily they picked the perfect man for the job.

Many stand-up will tell stories in order to get their jokes out, it’s one of the main features of any routines, but I think you’d be hard-pressed to find a comedian better at telling a story than Dave Gorman. Check out his stand-up show “Dave Gorman’s Googlewhack Adventure” if you don’t believe me, the man can weave all kind of tales while he’s up there on stage and every sentence contains something worth laughing about.

The premise of the show itself is quite simple, he has a slideshow and his voice and he looks to dissect the world we live in and show you why it’s good…ish. The way he goes about it, however, is fantastic, he’s great at the classic style of stand-up bits where he points out all the ridiculous things we accept without even realising it every day; such as game trailers that look to sell the game with “not actual game footage” or how we’re more likely to buy a clock if we think it’s smiling at us (you’re going to have to watch the show to understand that one).

Then in almost every episode, he will do something a bit weird, but hilarious that questions our perceptions of modern life. Like creating a fake music puzzle just to infuriate his friend who’s really good at them; or sending £50 notes through the post in a see-through envelope to see if we can trust the post-service; or my personal favourite, where he put two pairs hamsters in two different cages, one laid with shredded newspaper and the other laid with shredded porn magazines to see if the hamsters with the porn magazines were more sexually active.

Dave Gorman’s Modern Life is Goodish is what happened when a top-level stand-up comedian is at his absolute creative best, with enough variety in every show to tickle your fancy no matter what style of stand-up you like.

5 – Scrubs

Ran from: 2001 – 2010
Channel: NBC
Starring: Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalke, Elisa Coupe, John C McGinley, Niel Flynn, Ken Jenkins

To put it plainly, I don’t like American live-action sitcoms. There have been a couple like How I Met Your Mother and the first couple of seasons of The Big Bang Theory that I’ve thought were alright and Friends certainly has its charm, but they don’t make me laugh out loud like any of the British shows on this list.

Except for Scrubs.

The thing about so many of American sitcoms is that they lean too hard on the silliness, good jokes come from breaking the norm, we laugh because the silly thing is unexpected or out of place, so when the whole world of a show is whacky and ridiculous the jokes don’t seem out of place, so just aren’t as funny. Scrubs understood this and made sure that it was going to ground itself in a very serious world.

A hospital is an inherently serious place, we think of it as a place where incredibly smart people do all they can to help the sick and weak, so what better place to set over-the-top, silly antics? All of the characters in Scrubs feel so larger than life because they’re stuck in this serious, realistic setting that only serves to highlight how absurd all of their jokes and actions are.

What’s amazing about Scrubs though, is that this contrast doesn’t just go one way, it doesn’t just serve to make the jokes seem silly, it serves to make the dark and serious moments have an even greater emotional impact. Just look at an episode like My Lunch for an example of this, the jokes come a mile a minute in this and it always gets loads of laughs out of me the whole way through and then 5 minutes later it’s got me on the edge of tears as it takes the characters through a horrible experience.

Scrubs is a show that understands exactly how to balance those two sides to its world in order to make both of them stand out to the fullest effect. There are plenty of other comedy shows out there that have moments of heart, even some I’m yet to talk about on this list, but none have achieved it quite to the level of quality that Scrubs did.

4 – Would I Lie To You?

Ran from: 2007 – Present
Channel: BBC One
Starring: David Mitchell, Lee Mack, Rob Brydon & Various TV Personalities

Going back to the world of British Panel shows we’ve got a show that I would say has the largest amount of laughs per minute on this list.

The format of Would I Lie To You is very simple, there are two teams each with two celebrity guests alongside David Mitchell on one team and Lee Mack on the other and they each take turns reading out a story about themselves, this story might be true or it might be a lie and it’s the job of the opposing team to ask questions about the story and determine which it is.

Naturally, all of the stories that come out are slightly weird or absurd which makes the interrogation all the more entertaining as the guests being questioned weave a grand tapestry of an absolutely ridiculous story that is so stupid it MUST be true. Mitchell & Mack are always on throughout this show, ready to pounce on any oddity or inconsistency in hilarious fashion, to the point where the show often devolves into an absolutely side-splitting shouting match between the captains who are able to bounce off of each other flawlessly.

The guests are also brilliant at making their stories sound as ludicrous as possible, just watch Henning Vane’s story of how he got onto Interpol’s missing person’s list, or James Acaster’s cabbage rivalry, or literally anything Bob Mortimer has ever said on that show. Rob Brydon does a great job of keeping the show moving and isn’t afraid to get involved in the shouting matches when he wants to, which only makes things all the funnier.

It’s a show that has that sense of fun that telling your mates a story of something that happened to you has, only with the added bonus of seeing that story torn apart by people who make a living being entertaining and funny. It doesn’t do anything special or groundbreaking, it’s just all-out hilarity from start to finish and that’s good enough for me.

3 – Black Books

Ran from: 2000 – 2004
Channel: Channel 4
Starring: Dylan Moran, Bill Bailey, Tamsin Greig

Going to the slightly more obscure regions now, to a show that, the first time I watched it blew me away by how obscenely funny it was.

Dylan Moran’s performance is what makes this show as good as it is, I’ve always loved his style of stand-up and he turns that up to eleven for his character in this show, being constantly loud, abrasive and generally an absolute arsehole to everyone and everything around him. This kind of “don’t give a shit” attitude that his character gives off adds so much to every single joke in the show, giving it this over-the-top feel that I just can’t help but laugh at.

On top of that, the jokes are just extremely well written. They don’t make any grand comments about our society or have some deep emotional meaning, they’re just unapologetically funny. Sometimes comedy for the sake of comedy is exactly what I want from TV and no show does that better than Black Books, every situation the characters get themselves into is relatively realistic, just slightly exaggerated and it brings out the best in each of the characters.

All three of the main characters have very clear roles to play and the performances slot into them perfectly. With Dylan Moran’s character providing the pessimist’s view, Bill Bailey’s character providing the optimist’s view and Tasmin Greig’s character serving as a mediator between the two, the three characters are constantly at each other throats and it makes for some of the best pure comedy I’ve ever seen.

2 – The Simpsons

Ran from: 1989 – Present
Channel: FOX
Starring: Dan Castellaneta, Julie Kavner, Nancy Cartwright, Yeardley Smith

It’s hard to summarise why I love The Simpsons in just a few paragraphs. During its 30 years and counting on the air, it became more than a TV, spearheading a cultural movement in the US, shifting away from the wholesome family style of TV into a darker product that prefered to satirise the modern family values; although people far more articulate than I have already gone into that in great detail (I recommend Super Eyepatch Wolf on YouTube if you’re interested).

This year I completed a task I had set for myself the previous summer to watch every episode of The Simpsons ever, in order. Not counting season 31, which is currently airing, that’s 662 episodes of a sitcom I believe to be unrivalled in its quality, a feeling that was only amplified by the time I had finished watching them all.

The Simpsons is a show that has been in my life almost literally as long as I can remember, when I was growing up (and still to this day) it was on the TV in my parents’ house at least once every couple of days, usually more. It was a show that helped define my sense of humour and also the humour of those around me, I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone over the age of 8 who hasn’t at least heard of The Simpsons and when it comes to the circles I’m a part of on social media, Simpsons’ quotes are pretty much the default setting for jokes.

The first 8 to 10 years of The Simpsons is undoubtedly some of the best television ever produced and while I can’t deny that in the many years since the show has declined in quality – with some episodes that are downright awful – but I think it’s still a lot better than most people give it credit for. While the laugh-out-loud jokes and quotable moments are fewer and further between in the modern version of the show, I very rarely come away from an episode without having had a good giggle once or twice, which is a lot more than I can say for just about any other sitcom I’ve ever seen.

For not only providing me with more laughs than any other TV show ever made, but for helping to shape the sense of humour I have today and being a show that will likely be on the air until the heat-death of the universe, The Simpsons very nearly takes the top spot, but not quite.

1 – Taskmaster

Ran from: 2015 – Present
Channel: Dave (2015-2019), Channel 4 (2020-Present)
Starring: Greg Davies, Alex Horne, Various Comedians

The reasons that I love Taskmaster aren’t as complicated as many of the other shows I’ve talked about on this list. It doesn’t contrast its comedy with touching moments and it doesn’t look to tell any kind of story. Instead, it just takes it personalities, puts them in weird situations and sit back as hilarity ensues.

Taskmaster is a show put together by Alex Horne where for each series they will get a panel of five comedians and set them weird and interesting tasks. These tasks are things like “Knock all the rubber ducks off of the fence as fast as possible” or “Get 11 points” with no indication of how points are scored. These situations on their own would be funny enough, but what really makes this show something special is the fact that the only rules that are set in stone are the ones written on the card, anything else is fair game.

When you have a bunch of comedians who have trained themselves to be quick-witted and creative thinkers, they will always come up with the most ridiculous and creative ways to work around the rules of the task. This inevitably leads to a couple of the comedians nailing it in genuinely impressive ways, while others fail miserably in hilarious displays of ineptitude.

Greg Davies pulls the show together very nicely in his role as the person who judges the performances and hands out the scores, always finding the right way to mock the contestants, leading to some great banter between everyone on the panel. On top of this, despite the fact that the show has been running for 9 seasons, the team behind the show don’t seem to be running dry on task ideas, every new season is just as good as the last one, never dropping in quality which seems like an incredible feat to me.

Taskmaster seemed like a hit-or-miss formula and they knocked it out of the park, no show has made me laugh so hard for so long while maintaining its quality the whole way through its still-ongoing lifespan.

And that’s the list! Thank you very much for taking the time to read this, let me know what comedy shows you, love, either in the comments below or on Twitter @10ryawoo! Join me this time next week where I’ll be running down the best talkers in WWE today!